Disappointment

As the mother of a child with “issues” there are always certain things that I wish I could have more of: smiles, hugs, hand holding, being talked to and not at, and laughter. One of the greatest struggles we’ve had is in the friend department. When she was young I heard she had “chance after chance” to do the “right” thing with her peers and she did get really good at saying "I'm sorry". The aspergers makes it difficult to know what the “right thing” is at the right time. As a result, the children her age have found her a little odd. They aren’t really sure what to make of her and it breaks my heart that they don’t want to be around her.

This morning was another one of those times. One of the girls who 2 years ago was just as excited to spend time with my daughter as MAC was to spend time with her decided not to go and see a movie with MAC and her father. MAC was hugely excited when I called to find out what time they were going to see the movie, and unfortunately I had to explain why I was asking to her and not to her father. She laughed and I heard more excitement in her voice than I had in a very long time as she ran upstairs to wake her father. When I called back to say that the other child didn’t want to go, I heard defeat in the words, “It’s ok”.

Disappointment is part of everyone’s life and I know that I need to help her learn to handle her feelings of sadness and disappointment. My quandary as a mother is whether I am really helping her by trying to push her to make friends or to smooth the way between other children and her, or if I am just setting her up for more disappointment.