Today was another day of Otakon. She and her father left before I was even awake this morning. The pink hair was gone, as was the pair of fingerless gloves, and the Pokemon she had gotten yesterday.
I have to say that I was a little worried about her at Otakon. Ok, ok, so it was a lot worried! I knew that her favorite Magna was Pokemon. She wakes up early every weekday so that she can watch Pokemon on cartoon network. The first place she wants to go when we are in Target is the Pokemon cards, the second is where there used to be stuffed Pokemon. She has found a few other Magna to read but Pokemon is her first love. I was worried that she would get there and look for Pokemon and would find very few things and would be a little made fun of. I keep hearing from others that Pokemon is "out", and that the reason we can't find much is because the kids no longer are looking for it so they aren't making Pokemon things anymore.
I was wrong. Boy was I wrong! When they got to Otakon there were several adults that had dressed up as different people from Pokemon. She found several stores that had different Pokemon items, and yesterday she came home with a new stuffed Pokemon, a Jirachi. Today she bought herself a Celebi.
Her father told me a story about their train ride in today: They were on the train getting ready for it to leave when two other people got on the train. As the doors closed one of them said, "It's official the geeks are on board!" They started talking about Otakon and then more specifically about Pokemon. The other two guys were in their late 20s or early 30s. One of them pulled out his portfolio and showed them his drawings of Pokemon, he had even drawn evolutions that the creators hadn't come up with. He then pulled out drawings of Pokemon that he had made up, and they talked about the different games. She said she kept getting stuck in one of them and he was able to give her advice about how to beat the game.
When they got to Otakon as they were waiting in line to get in she said, "See Dad I'm not the oldest one who likes Pokemon!"
It was heartwarming for me to hear this story when they got home today. I know I will never meet this young man, but it made me feel good to know that there are people who will take the time to talk to a younger person about something they are both intersted in.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Slipping through my fingers…
This morning she walked out the door and headed to her father’s car and I watched her go with the usual feelings of excitement, trepidation and all out terror. It was really exciting that she was going to go experience something that she had never been to before and she woke up faster today than I had ever seen her! Out of bed like a shot and dressed in clean clothes all the way down to her underwear. She was so excited that she and her father left the house without her cell phone or her taking her pill.
I had to go to work so I would not have the adventure of going to Otakon up in Baltimore. She and her father left at 7am to catch the light rail. When I got the text that they had finally gotten into the convention center it was past 11 am! He said that she stood in line and waited very patiently. Of course when they got into the convention center she was so excited that they went from booth to booth and had a really great time.
It really made me think of the ABBA song, “Slipping through my fingers”. I have found myself singing the song all day and thinking the words were so appropriate: The feeling that I’m losing her forever, without really entering her world, I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter, that funny little girl. It wasn’t until the movie Mama Mia came out that I listened to the song all the way through. Each day is a gift and I need to remember that although it feels as if she is slipping through my fingers she is growing into a beautiful independent woman.
I had to go to work so I would not have the adventure of going to Otakon up in Baltimore. She and her father left at 7am to catch the light rail. When I got the text that they had finally gotten into the convention center it was past 11 am! He said that she stood in line and waited very patiently. Of course when they got into the convention center she was so excited that they went from booth to booth and had a really great time.
It really made me think of the ABBA song, “Slipping through my fingers”. I have found myself singing the song all day and thinking the words were so appropriate: The feeling that I’m losing her forever, without really entering her world, I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter, that funny little girl. It wasn’t until the movie Mama Mia came out that I listened to the song all the way through. Each day is a gift and I need to remember that although it feels as if she is slipping through my fingers she is growing into a beautiful independent woman.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The other shoe...
Today was our first appointment with our new talk therapist. Of course, it wasn't really ours, it was MAC's. We had a rather large insurance dysfunction at the beginning of the month that has made us leave the practice we were with since she started Kindergarten. It has been traumatic on all of us, and I am just thankful that this new group is there an available for us.
I have been dreading this appointment since we found out that we were going to have to change therapists. Over the last six years of therapy there have been several doctors where we have had to tell our story over and over again. After the first doctor's diagnosis we went for a second opinion. After our first doctor left the practice we went to another doctor from the same practice. When we decided that it was time to start medication we had to see a new doctor and tell him the story. When the school system asked us to have her tested we told the story again. When her prescribing doctor left the practice we had to find someone else who would prescribe for children, and tell the story again. When the practice brought on a new prescriber who took our insurance we felt it was best to have the prescriber and talk therapist at the same place, and told the story again. When she started having seizures we told the story again. When she was admitted to Children's for seizure testing we told the story again. When she was admitted to the emergency room we told the story again. When she was admitted to Franklin Square we told the story again. When she started at the Intensive Outpatient Therapy we told the story again. So you can see I wasn't really looking forward to telling the story today!
I was very pleasantly surprised when the new therapist (Dr. SP) brought us into her office and said, "I've seen you here before haven't I?" when I said yes she went into her computer and was able to pull up the intake interview which told the whole story. I was so happy that this first session wouldn't be a repeat of the story! For the first time ever when we left this session it was with a list of things that she and MAC were going to work on over the course of therapy.
I have been told that for a while I really seemed to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Would the school call me today? Would I have to go pick her up early from basketball practice? Were there issues during the class at the gym? Well today it did, and not in the way I thought it would. Now with both shoes on the ground I hope to keep moving forward maybe even running a little!
I have been dreading this appointment since we found out that we were going to have to change therapists. Over the last six years of therapy there have been several doctors where we have had to tell our story over and over again. After the first doctor's diagnosis we went for a second opinion. After our first doctor left the practice we went to another doctor from the same practice. When we decided that it was time to start medication we had to see a new doctor and tell him the story. When the school system asked us to have her tested we told the story again. When her prescribing doctor left the practice we had to find someone else who would prescribe for children, and tell the story again. When the practice brought on a new prescriber who took our insurance we felt it was best to have the prescriber and talk therapist at the same place, and told the story again. When she started having seizures we told the story again. When she was admitted to Children's for seizure testing we told the story again. When she was admitted to the emergency room we told the story again. When she was admitted to Franklin Square we told the story again. When she started at the Intensive Outpatient Therapy we told the story again. So you can see I wasn't really looking forward to telling the story today!
I was very pleasantly surprised when the new therapist (Dr. SP) brought us into her office and said, "I've seen you here before haven't I?" when I said yes she went into her computer and was able to pull up the intake interview which told the whole story. I was so happy that this first session wouldn't be a repeat of the story! For the first time ever when we left this session it was with a list of things that she and MAC were going to work on over the course of therapy.
I have been told that for a while I really seemed to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Would the school call me today? Would I have to go pick her up early from basketball practice? Were there issues during the class at the gym? Well today it did, and not in the way I thought it would. Now with both shoes on the ground I hope to keep moving forward maybe even running a little!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
She should've...
So many times over the past 12 years I know that after we've left the restaurant or store that the phrase, "She should've..." has followed us out. "She should've given her her walking papers." "She should've made her complete the project." "She should've made her sit correctly in the class." "She should've told her to just wait her turn." Even if I didn't hear them I know those words were said hundreds of times over the years.
Today while I was working at one of the Smithsonian museums during a symposium, a mother came up to our table with some questions. Her son, who looked about 9, kept trying to get in between us and have her look at something. She kept moving her hand at him, trying to wave him away without saying anything to him. After her questions were finally answered and she moved toward the cafe' the other three ladies working the table and I started the "She should've" conversation.''
"Can you believe how he was acting?"
"She should've told him to wait."
"I can't believe he didn't get the point"
"She should've told him that she would be with him in a minute."
"Don't you think he was being rude?"
"She should've stopped talking to us for a second, looked him in the eye and told him to wait."
I realized half way through our "should'ves" that I was making the same assumptions that others probably had made about us. They were out in public, and her child looked normal. Bad behavior is supposed to have consequences. When I ignored the "minor" behavior such as MAC talking back to me I know that there were many many parents that thought the behavior was major and needed better discipline. The mother today handled the situation the way she felt was necessary and not being the mother of her child and not knowing what "major" behavior was for them, the four of us should've kept our thoughts to ourselves.
Today while I was working at one of the Smithsonian museums during a symposium, a mother came up to our table with some questions. Her son, who looked about 9, kept trying to get in between us and have her look at something. She kept moving her hand at him, trying to wave him away without saying anything to him. After her questions were finally answered and she moved toward the cafe' the other three ladies working the table and I started the "She should've" conversation.''
"Can you believe how he was acting?"
"She should've told him to wait."
"I can't believe he didn't get the point"
"She should've told him that she would be with him in a minute."
"Don't you think he was being rude?"
"She should've stopped talking to us for a second, looked him in the eye and told him to wait."
I realized half way through our "should'ves" that I was making the same assumptions that others probably had made about us. They were out in public, and her child looked normal. Bad behavior is supposed to have consequences. When I ignored the "minor" behavior such as MAC talking back to me I know that there were many many parents that thought the behavior was major and needed better discipline. The mother today handled the situation the way she felt was necessary and not being the mother of her child and not knowing what "major" behavior was for them, the four of us should've kept our thoughts to ourselves.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I Wish...
I love a musical called Into the Woods. It takes Rapunzel, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Little Red Ridding Hood and combines them all together into a singing, dancing, comedic extravaganza. The title song has each of the characters explaining their wish. At the end of the first act they all had received their wish and you would think they would be happy, but you know there is a second act…
There are days when I feel like I’m at the beginning of the play and I am just wishing. Last week I was having dinner with my sister and a wonderful friend (K) when my niece started dancing and singing. When she got tired she snuggled up to my sister’s side, gave her great big hug and said “I love you”. I couldn’t help it, I broke down and cried. When asked why I was crying I said “I will never have this”. They both looked at me as if I had grown 2 heads.
Even though as an infant she loved being held (and swaddled in her green kiki) she never wanted to face in when I was carrying her, she always had to face out. At the time I thought it was because she wanted to see everything, now I wonder, was it just that she didn’t want her face touching my shirt? Was there a tactile issue even then? My niece loves to play with stickers and have her face painted. MAC almost RUNS in the opposite direction of stickers, stamps, glue, or paint.
I was wishing for a hugger. I was wishing for an outgoing child who likes going to stores with me. I was wanting scrap books filled with pictures of butterfly’s on cheeks and big smiles. I wanted art work for the art box that was more than just pencil on paper.
My sister told me that she has always admired me for accepting people just as they are in that minute, not how they could or would be "with help". K told me she thought I was the perfect mother for MAC because I had the patience to explain things. As I tried to explain my tears I said, "Yes, but I accept people they way they are because MAC has taught me to. And I had to learn the patience because we always have to go over and over everything!" It was like the proverbial light bulb went off above my head!
Last Tuesday when I was crying over the things I didn’t have, I’m glad I had to talk about why, so that I could realize just how far we have come. I have come to look for the small things: a laugh at a joke here, or a Mona Lisa smile for a picture there. Thursday evenings we sit and watch Glee together. Although she sits as far away from me on the couch as possible every once in a while she'll let me touch her foot. I now see each step forward as a wish, even if it wasn't something I would have thought I'd want to wish for!
There are days when I feel like I’m at the beginning of the play and I am just wishing. Last week I was having dinner with my sister and a wonderful friend (K) when my niece started dancing and singing. When she got tired she snuggled up to my sister’s side, gave her great big hug and said “I love you”. I couldn’t help it, I broke down and cried. When asked why I was crying I said “I will never have this”. They both looked at me as if I had grown 2 heads.
Even though as an infant she loved being held (and swaddled in her green kiki) she never wanted to face in when I was carrying her, she always had to face out. At the time I thought it was because she wanted to see everything, now I wonder, was it just that she didn’t want her face touching my shirt? Was there a tactile issue even then? My niece loves to play with stickers and have her face painted. MAC almost RUNS in the opposite direction of stickers, stamps, glue, or paint.
I was wishing for a hugger. I was wishing for an outgoing child who likes going to stores with me. I was wanting scrap books filled with pictures of butterfly’s on cheeks and big smiles. I wanted art work for the art box that was more than just pencil on paper.
My sister told me that she has always admired me for accepting people just as they are in that minute, not how they could or would be "with help". K told me she thought I was the perfect mother for MAC because I had the patience to explain things. As I tried to explain my tears I said, "Yes, but I accept people they way they are because MAC has taught me to. And I had to learn the patience because we always have to go over and over everything!" It was like the proverbial light bulb went off above my head!
Last Tuesday when I was crying over the things I didn’t have, I’m glad I had to talk about why, so that I could realize just how far we have come. I have come to look for the small things: a laugh at a joke here, or a Mona Lisa smile for a picture there. Thursday evenings we sit and watch Glee together. Although she sits as far away from me on the couch as possible every once in a while she'll let me touch her foot. I now see each step forward as a wish, even if it wasn't something I would have thought I'd want to wish for!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Disappointment
As the mother of a child with “issues” there are always certain things that I wish I could have more of: smiles, hugs, hand holding, being talked to and not at, and laughter. One of the greatest struggles we’ve had is in the friend department. When she was young I heard she had “chance after chance” to do the “right” thing with her peers and she did get really good at saying "I'm sorry". The aspergers makes it difficult to know what the “right thing” is at the right time. As a result, the children her age have found her a little odd. They aren’t really sure what to make of her and it breaks my heart that they don’t want to be around her.
This morning was another one of those times. One of the girls who 2 years ago was just as excited to spend time with my daughter as MAC was to spend time with her decided not to go and see a movie with MAC and her father. MAC was hugely excited when I called to find out what time they were going to see the movie, and unfortunately I had to explain why I was asking to her and not to her father. She laughed and I heard more excitement in her voice than I had in a very long time as she ran upstairs to wake her father. When I called back to say that the other child didn’t want to go, I heard defeat in the words, “It’s ok”.
Disappointment is part of everyone’s life and I know that I need to help her learn to handle her feelings of sadness and disappointment. My quandary as a mother is whether I am really helping her by trying to push her to make friends or to smooth the way between other children and her, or if I am just setting her up for more disappointment.
This morning was another one of those times. One of the girls who 2 years ago was just as excited to spend time with my daughter as MAC was to spend time with her decided not to go and see a movie with MAC and her father. MAC was hugely excited when I called to find out what time they were going to see the movie, and unfortunately I had to explain why I was asking to her and not to her father. She laughed and I heard more excitement in her voice than I had in a very long time as she ran upstairs to wake her father. When I called back to say that the other child didn’t want to go, I heard defeat in the words, “It’s ok”.
Disappointment is part of everyone’s life and I know that I need to help her learn to handle her feelings of sadness and disappointment. My quandary as a mother is whether I am really helping her by trying to push her to make friends or to smooth the way between other children and her, or if I am just setting her up for more disappointment.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Today...
This blog has been a long time coming. I have been seeing it in my mind for years but haven't put it into practice, until today.
I have a 12 year old daughter who has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. She also has some anger issues which have gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion over the years. We have been given multiple diagnoses for the last 7 years and I have read books on everything from Bi-polar to borderline personality disorder. She is currently working out depression symptoms and although she is growing into a wonderful young woman I know there is still a lot of work that we as a family have ahead of us.
I am married to a great guy who is also working out his depression.
I hope that this blog will provide a resource for others who are working through the same types of issues. Hopefully others have ideas that I will be able to use too.
Today is just a stepping stone to tomorrow. No matter what, tomorrow is a new day, we should take what we learned or what helped us today and start fresh tomorrow.
I have a 12 year old daughter who has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. She also has some anger issues which have gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion over the years. We have been given multiple diagnoses for the last 7 years and I have read books on everything from Bi-polar to borderline personality disorder. She is currently working out depression symptoms and although she is growing into a wonderful young woman I know there is still a lot of work that we as a family have ahead of us.
I am married to a great guy who is also working out his depression.
I hope that this blog will provide a resource for others who are working through the same types of issues. Hopefully others have ideas that I will be able to use too.
Today is just a stepping stone to tomorrow. No matter what, tomorrow is a new day, we should take what we learned or what helped us today and start fresh tomorrow.
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