And Mom and Dad Can Hardly Wait...

We have two more days left of the Winter break. I mentioned this to MAC this evening and she stopped talking to me. The old song "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas" was right: Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again. MAC has been sitting at home watching TV and drawing. I have left her the Italian Study Guide and I am hoping that she will work on it tomorrow. (Oh, God, please hear my prayer and let her have this finished before Sunday! Amen.)

Tomorrow she will be heading to southern Maryland to spend some time with her Grandmother and cousin. I made these plans for her last week before our trip to the emergency room. The general feeling was that she should be able to keeep to her regular plans but she would need to talk to someone if she started feeling "bored" again. She needs to continue taking her pills but we think things are under control for now. When we were in Virginia she refused to take her pills because I wasn't there to watch her, I have asked Hubby to place the box of pills into his mother's hands and make sure that she knows when MAC is to take them. (Oh, God, please hear my prayer and have MAC take her pills and be in a good mood. Hubby and I would rather not have to drive back to Southern Maryland in the dead of night tomorrow. Oh God you know how much she is looking forward to this and I really want her to have a good time. Amen.)

I have left her to do her thing tonight. We have gone over what she needs to pack three times. She has taken her pills for today, and as I said in the opening: she has stopped talking to me.  Her father can check her bag in the morning.

A Wonderful Christmas

What a wonderful day we had! For the first time in two years MAC woke up first and was very very excited to be able to wake everyone up. Of course this year she got to wake up Grammy, Grandpa, Cousin Z, Aunt R, and Z's father. She was a bit disappointed that we had to make coffee for the adults first but once she realized that others had to wake up she was ok with looking at the stockings.

It seems that she did recieve everything her little heart desired. Her grandparents were able to find the last two things on her list: Yu-Gi-Oh Egyptian God cards, and the Glee game for Wii.

We all enjoyed the Wii. Hubby and I took the WiiFit with us and everyone had a great time doing the 1-2 minute games. We tried to see who could eat more fish as a penguin, who could hula hoop longer, and who could actually make it across the tight rope. For the most part MAC did a great job, although she did try to push her competition out of the way. She really wasn't too happy when the Wii told her she was overweight.

We made the long trip home today and I get to go back to work tomorrow. MAC and Hubby will go see his father and step mother and then on Thursday she will go spend the night with Hubby's mother. She just needs to work on the Italian study guide before next Monday.

Christmas Eve

We went to Christmas Eve service this evening. MAC wore her new purple sweater that made her look like the teen that she almost is. Being at Mom and Dad's we went to their new church. It is a quaint little building that reminds me of what you think of when you hear the words "church in the valley". It is growing but the sanctuary seats about 100.

We got to the church about 20 minutes before the service started. It was amazing how it went from 15 of us to 100 in about 5 minutes.

MAC surprised us all by singing her little heart out during the carols. Some of them she didn't even need the music for! I had a great time watching the head of the teen in front of us keep turning around. I think he was wondering where the big voice was coming from.

At the end of the service MAC turned to me and said, "Boy that was much shorter than I expected!" I explained that for the first time in years we didn't have to go early for practice or set up and after service we didn't have to clean up. She seemed to think this over a little than nodded and went on her way...

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it. I'll be back on Sunday!

Bored

Ok, so after spending 6 hours in the emergency room yesterday we were amazingly able to get a canceled appointment with Dr. P MAC's talk therapist today! The office opened at 9 and by 9:30 we had the canceled appointment at noon, which was right before their office holiday party. This left us enough time to be able to pack the car and run to the dollar store for the traditional family "night before Christmas" exchange (my father reads the book 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and every time he says right we pass the gift to the right, etc).

What we found out at the talk therapists was that although yesterday MAC really couldn't say why she tried to grab her friend's dry ice cubes, today she was able to say that she was bored during class and that bored is a "negative" word for her. She has two coping strategies only one of which is viable during school hours, go and talk to her guidance counselor.

We had a 6 1/2 hour drive to my parents after the meeting and she was able to keep herself entertained (thank God for electronics)! We tried to talk to her but all she wanted to do was draw. I know this is the asperger’s kicking in but it's almost Christmas! I hope tomorrow she'll at least come and draw in the same room as the rest of the family. Wonder of wonders I was just talking to Hubby about finishing the grocery shopping tomorrow morning and MAC said she wanted to go with us! Yeah!

The Emergency Room Again...

Just as you think everything is going well a shoe is thrown into the soup. We were talking about the trip tomorrow and the Christmas Presents MAC was hoping for this morning. This afternoon after sitting in a two hour meeting I was beginning work on a Christmas center piece when I got a phone call from the school Psychologist. My heart dropped to my feet.

MAC had tried to hurt herself in science class with the dry ice. Apparently the teacher hadn't seen anything but one of her friends had mentioned to the guidance counselor what had happened and the counselor sent her to the psychologist.

The psychologist would only release her to Hubby or I (even though MAC had said she was fine and just wanted to go back to class). Hubby went to pick her up and I was supposed to meet them at Anne Arundel Medical Center. I was glad that Hubby was able to get her because what should have taken me 20 minutes took me almost an hour to get to due to an accident on the South River bridge.

We sat in the Emergency room through a shift change and saw a medical doctor and the hospital psychologist and MAC even got to eat some of the hospitals great turkey. It was the same one we saw about 6 months ago. Once again we were told that we needed to bond better with MAC and that she needed to see her talk therapist on a weekly basis not a bi-weekly. We were also told that we should attend family therapy and that I should call several groups in the area. I tried to explain that we are trying but that MAC needs to help in her own treatment.

At least this time we were released. Around 9pm we left the hospital. If you are ever in the emergency room ask the nurse for some food if you are hungry! MAC had a cup of mac and cheese as a snack and I got a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel. Considering that I hadn't had anything else to eat today it tasted like a steak! If she hadn't said she was hungry we probably would have sat waiting for her dinner of cold turkey, 1/8 c of stuffing and green beans, YUCK!

We are looking forward to Christmas even if we aren't looking forward to the drive.

Happy Winter Solstice to You!

Happy Winter Solstice everyone! Happy birthday to my friend EK!

I was amazed at the fact that although there are several total moon eclipses that last night's was special. It was the first time in over 400 years that the eclipse comes on the same night as the winter solstice! It won't happen again for another 400 years. MAC was very excited to see it but when I tried to wake her up to go outside she whined and said she didn't really mean she wanted to get up and to go away. It was 4:50 am and I was cold and tired, I left her alone and went back to bed.

Tonight was her winter concert. It was a combined concert of the Bates Chorus, PVA chorus, Liberal Arts Concert Band, PVA Band, PVA Chamber Ensemble, and the Bates Jazz Band. It was one of the longest concerts I have ever been to! MAC had to be there at 6:15 and we left somewhere around 9:15. I could hardly believe it, a school night to boot! I must say, it was one of the best concerts we have ever been to though. The kids were all very well behaved, and were quiet during all the set changes (of which there were 6). It really did get everyone into the Holiday mood.

She is really looking forward to the last day of school tomorrow. Of course what she is seeing: a whole week and two days off of school watching TV and playing with her friends, what I am seeing: time to finish up her Italian study guide, and to do the reading for Language Arts. Yeah vacation and 6 hours of being in a car together!

Homework

It is very disappointing to me that although I am told by the teachers and guidance counselor, that I can go to "Blackboard" and see the assignments and homework that when I actually do take the time to go there they are 2 weeks behind in putting things up.
I asked her to show me her homework and of course get the, "It's almost Christmas and I only had homework in math." I had to take her word for it. Apparently, her science homework is to see if she sleeps at the foot of her bed with a spoon under her pillow if it snows tonight.

Tomorrow is the winter chorus concert. There is no PVA plus after school but we'll have to see if there is help day...

Again Mom?

What a wonderful day! Although we had 2 late nights on Friday and Saturday MAC still had to get up a little early this morning. (We usually get up around 7 on Sunday's for church so 8 was still sleeping in.) Today was the church cantata and Christmas Pageant.

Although MAC no longer participates in the Pageant she and a friend had a duet in the cantata part. I was so proud of her! They had only practiced together 2 times. The first practice this morning was not so good, no one could hear them, but when they sang in the performance it was beautiful.

Before we entered church this morning MAC and I had a talk about making sure to talk to people and thanking them when they tell you how nicely you sang. She had the look of, "Again Mom?" but when I came out after church I heard her saying thank you after someone had told her how good she sounded.

We ended the day by spending the afternoon baking cookies. She really wanted to make ginger snaps so we found the recipe from our first cookie exchange. She took the recipe to the grocery store and found all the ingredients and did all the mixing by herself when we got home. The cookies were delicious! She is planning on taking them to school with her tomorrow and share with her friends at lunch.

Space time continuum alert!

Ok, can I just say that Christmas is coming early this year? Yes I know that it is has been celebrated on December 25th every day for the last what, 600 years? Yes I know that December 25th comes the day after December 24th every year. Somehow this year there has been a rip in the space time continuum and Christmas is EARLY! I'M NOT READY!!

For most of you, you know me. I am a planner. I carry a rather large, heavy planner with me 99% of the time. I plan what I need for everything: the Girl Scout camping trip took 3 pages, the last trip to Virginia took 2 pages and last Christmas I had 5 pages dedicated to lists and party planning. This year I have 1 page. I am very worried. We are heading to Virginia on Thursday and I have not got all the packing done.

I went through the "Gift Bag" on Thursday and it appears that minus the 4 gifts I have ordered but have not arrived yet we have gifts for everyone on the list. The gifts for Hubby and MAC have been done since before Thanksgiving but I am still worried. For the first time in the 13 years of our marriage we decided not to buy for Hubby's whole family. As the youngest of 4 children and then a step sister Hubby has 14 people in the immediate family. It was always difficult to buy everyone something they wanted and once we no longer saw them it made it even more difficult. (As an example my one niece is still 16 in my mind, of course she is a mother and has been married for 3 years now.)

Christmas always comes together, but somehow this year it feels as if things are not right. We have not put up any decorations this year (even at work) because we have been so busy with other things. Yes, there has been a rip in the space time continuum...2010 is almost over!

All Quiet on the Eastern Front

We had the first real snow today. Schools closed early and everything! It was beautiful as long as you were inside a warm building. Because schools closed an hour early today all after school activities were cancelled as well. MAC was supposed to have a 45 minute performance at the Lowes Annapolis Hotel this evening. The teacher was just sick about the fact that they couldn't perform tonight.

MAC was able to ride the regular bus home and worked on homework until I picked her up. It took me a little longer to get her because the roads were slick. I don't think I've ever heard my anti-lock breaks come on so often and it was scary when the car wouldn't stop at the end of the road after I picked her up. When we got home we had dinner and watched a little Yu-Gi-Oh.

She asked both Hubby and I to sit and watch with her. I was hoping to do some baking with her, but it was nice to be able to do nothing and be with them both. She went to bed all on her own: pj's on inside out and backwards, hoping for more snow!

Who Am I?

Today I was told that I was selfish and that although I "love" my daughter that I apparently resent her and that she is picking up on this "vibe" and that is why she behaves as she does. I was told that I am feeding her the wrong things, that I am not allowing her to make her own decisions and that I have her in the wrong school.




I tried to explain that while it was easy to sit on the outside and say what was being done wrong that this person was not the one who's house, bank accounts, and emotions were being trampled on everyday. I was told that this proved that I was not putting MACs welfare before my own. Of course in the next breath I was told that I needed to take care of myself.  I cried off and on for the rest of the evening after this conversation.

This evening MAC and I spent 2 and a half hours working on homework and trying to organize her school binder. We skipped the Girl Scout meeting and Glee.  I found this song while I was looking for Casting Crowns and think the lyrics are exceptionally appropriate:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KznLRXLBxno  

I would like it on the record that I do love my child and I want the best for her. The world requires certain behaviors and I am trying to impress upon her what those behaviors are.

Working on It

There have been several minor set backs this past weekend: the Parent's Night Out on Saturday, Sunday School issues in the morning yesterday and then sitting in a corner crying last night before her performance.

We took it all in stride and after discussion about every single incident I think Hubby and I have come to two different conclusions. I talk, talk, talk and remind her what she needs to do and how to act. Hubby seems to feel that if we let her be she will work it out in her head and be able to deal with it at another time. I think that she needs to hear different ways to deal with things. He thinks that she is just saying "yes" to make me stop talking.

The teen years are just months away from starting and as someone else reminded me yesterday that sends LOADS of hormones through her body. I guess more reading is in my future. Anyone know about a good book about teens with Asperger's?

And so it goes...

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a busy day that seemed to get busier by the minute. On Friday Mom and I made plans to do some Christmas shopping at the mall Saturday morning, MAC had Christmas Pageant practice at 10:30, we had a birthday lunch at 1 and then it was Parent's Night Out at church starting at 4:50pm.

I planned to go out for dinner if I wasn't needed at Parents Night Out. I stayed until 6:15, the kids had been fed, most of the arts and crafts projects were done and it was time to start watching videos. The adults in charge said that I should go and try to have dinner out. I decided to take them up on it.

We got as far as the restaurant parking lot. Then the phone call came, "she said the kids were disrespecting her and that she wants to go home. She isn't being bad just sitting in a corner saying she wants to go home." We went and picked her up.

For the most part I have become used to this. As I have said before: I have the school phone number memorized, I have the talk therapist on speed dial, I know where the closest emergency rooms are as well as the three closest Nighttime Pediatric Groups from anywhere where we go with any frequency, and I have email addresses for all of her teachers. I guess I just lull myself into thinking that everything will be fine when we have several days of good behavior.

Asperger’s is an everyday, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week thing. I need to remember that as far as she has come since her hospitalization she still has a way to go. Sometimes things feel so "normal" and then another issue pops up, or the same issue pops up again. She is really sensitive to what other people say, and as much as we say to ignore or stay away from people that can really backfire too. I just want her to be happy.

Fun Family night

Tonight was my niece's "dinner theater". She and her school performed 2 Dr. Seuss stories and after a short intermission several of the older kids performed some improv. It was really cute. All of us had some really good laughs and a good meal.

Mom and Dad came home to be able to see the play and tomorrow we'll celebrate birthdays. MAC had a nice conversation with them when she got to their house this afternoon. They were very complimentary about her current sketch book and it was really nice to eat all together at a family table.

We have had a very nice evening and she is downstairs watching some Yu-Gi-Oh before bed. I love weekends!!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I want to wish all my Jewish friends a happy 8th night of Hanukah tonight.

We went out for dinner tonight with some friends. I picked MAC up from her after school program and we headed to the mall. We found a parking spot a short walk from the middle entrance. It really wasn't as bad as I had expected.

Our church had our cookie exchange and work has just settled on a date. MAC is bringing home an interim next Friday, has a "gig" this Sunday, next Thursday and the winter concert on Tuesday the 21. The dining room is overflowing with the multitude of Christmas gifts that have been purchased for our families and friends.

We took a short ride through the different neighborhoods to look at the lights. I heard my first commercial for Zoolights at the national zoo this afternoon.

I tried to get MAC interested in the lights tonight but she was really more interested in telling me how much she wanted dessert tonight and how she thought I should have allowed her a shake and dessert. Mom and Dad are coming back tomorrow to watch my nieces play and help to celebrate birthdays. It has been quite a full day and the weekend will be packed too.

I love this time of year: we are looking to the future, people are excited about being able to buy gifts for others and the festive lights are going up everywhere. I hope one day MAC finds the wonder in it all too...

It isn't just me!

We had dinner with friends this evening. My friend SG has 2 boys: one is a year older than MAC and the other is 4 years younger. They have a lot of fun playing on the Wii together, not doing homework, and I have a wonderful time talking with my friend.

After dinner tonight we sent the kids upstairs and SG and I began talking about her older boy and MAC and how the homework gets done, it just doesn't get turned in. (Really, how hard is it to hand the completed work to the teacher?) We also talked about how we have been the ones to call the teachers in middle school. (At least in elementary school we only had 2 teachers, a guidance counselor and 1 principal to talk too...now we have at least 7 different teachers, hopefully only 1 guidance counselor but it depends on the day, and 1 principal and up to 3 vice principals to talk to!) Trying to schedule an appointment with the teachers has been a nightmare, the core classes really want to talk to you as a "team" and the encore classes are on different schedules. (I only earn 160 hours of leave a year; it takes at least an hour to get to and from the school, and I'm lucky if the appointment actually starts on time, they are usually around 20 minutes, so by the time all is said and done one appointment with the core teachers can use an hour and a half of leave, then multiply that times 3 more groups and 2 to 3 appointments each quarter...you can see where this is going...)

It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one who had the homework problems, the teacher issues, and the worry of being a working parent. As always, thanks for a wonderful evening SG!

Socialness?

We had a really good morning today! She made it downstairs and had her lunch packed before I got out of the shower. The rest of her day seems to have been pretty good too. They had a false fire alarm on Friday and apparently today the fire department had to do an inspection of the school so they missed first period.

She did her homework when she got to R's house and when we got home we had a nice dinner. She was disappointed that I had a meeting tonight, but when I was able to sit and watch 2 episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh with her she was much happier. Also when I told her we were going to SG's for dinner tomorrow she got a great big smile on her face.

At my meeting, I was told that she had a really nice conversation with a long time church member yesterday. The spouse said that his wife had been very happy when she and MAC had their conversation after Sunday School. It felt good to know that between the donuts and hot cocoa she is at least being social with others.

Movie Night

It has been quite a day. We went to church and then a quick run to the grocery store. When we got home we had a little lunch and then she started playing Wii. She changed the game to a single player game and Hubby went upstairs to get some sleep.

I started the laundry and some cooking and about a hour later when I came back she said that her wrist hurt her. I told her that she could stop playing and she looked at me, laughed and said no way!

This evening was Mom'n'Daughter Movie night. Instead of watching "My Neighbor Totoro" we watched three episodes of "Yu-Gi-Oh".   I think she has gotten through the first 3 seasons now, and she still wants to read all of the mangas.

Family Day

I have had a "most excellent" day today. I am hoping that everyone else had too. They both have gotten very good at hiding their true feelings!

MAC didn't want to get up at all this morning but when I reminded her that we were going to the Peeps Store she jumped right up. What was very funny was that she even told me yesterday afternoon to remind her that we were going to the Peeps store if she told me she didn't want to get up this morning. We had the talk about Christmas and how we were not going to spend a lot of money when we went to National Harbour Mall today.

We got to the Peeps Store when it opened at 10am and had planned on going to Elevation Burger for lunch before heading to my mother-in-law's new house for dinner. We didn't expect to have to wait almost a half hour for Elevation to open. We were able to actually walk around the other stores while we were waiting. There were several new stores open and they were having a Christmas Market happening along their main street which was fun. MAC found that she really likes Alpaca, because it is REALLY soft and fuzzy!

We took a trip to Hubby's old house, saw his elementary school and even saw where he used to go sledding. We had a very nice time at the mother-in-law's and came home with left over’s of Hubby's favorite dinner: Chile Quillies.

Family day has been nice and relaxing. Yeah to togetherness!

More appointments

I got a call at 2pm on Thursday asking if I could bring M in for an appointment with her talk therapist. The doctor had to cancel our appointment next week and due to the fact that it takes us so long to get to the office and the only appointments available are at 11 we have only been able to schedule one appointment a month for the next few months. She continues with the group sessions on Fridays so the feeling is that things are under control.

I had to think about how to work things so that we could make the appointment because she had after school activities. I called the school and asked them to pass a message on to her to NOT get on the bus because I would be there to pick her up. I then asked the secretary what time PVA plus stopped and was told 3:30. I left work at 3:15 and realized when I got to the school that 3:30 was the beginning not the end of PVA plus!

The appointment went well and the doctor was very happy to hear that I had spoken with the Italian teacher and that things seem to be going better. The only bad thing about a late appointment is how late it is when you leave. We arrived home around 7:30 and then had some dinner. MAC was so tired she went to bed right after eating!

Glee and the Science Fair

Last night was when everything that she had typed the night before ended up glued to the poster board. She had to complete the "notebook" which had all her notes from the websites she had visited getting information and making sure that everything was ready to take in tomorrow.

Of course, she had a deadline. She really wanted to see Glee. It was sectionals night and they had some really good songs. Glee started at 8:00, she finished the notebook around 7:50. Every time she would complain about how tired she was I would just say the word "Glee" and she would pick up the pace.

The new CD came out yesterday but because we were so busy with the science fair project no one stopped to get it. I told her that we would go get it tonight if she finished all of her homework by the time I got to the house to pick her up. She was hugely excited and finished her homework by 5:20 when I got to the house.

We listened to the CD on our way home from the book store. She loves it and I love the fact that she was able to put her mind to something and was able to complete her project.

Scince Fair

"How many times have I asked you about what you were doing? How many times did I ask if you were getting things typed? What did you do with all the computer lab time you had?"

These were just a few questions that I asked (some of the rather loudly) this evening. I ask her every day what her homework is. Today she said that the social studies homework was to finish her science fair project since it was due on Wednesday. I asked her if she had done any more typing for her poster, she said no, that what she had done was all that she needed to do.

I said that, no, it wasn't what needed to be done, and that she was going to have to work on it tonight. When we got home we had a quick bite to eat and then started on the typing for the project. We just finished the typing. It is NOT going to be pleasant to wake her up tomorrow!

I know that science fair projects are a fact of life for the next several years but I really need her to start using that calendar the school gives her, and to do the little bits that work up to the final project! Too many tears tonight. (Her and I.)

Wii Play

Apparently Comcast had some issues with internet connectivity last night so I couldn't post when I wanted to, sorry!
Sunday was family time. MAC, Hubby and I went to church where MAC picked an Angel off the giving tree. She and I then ran to Target to get the gift for the little girl that she had chosen. When we got home she went up to her room and with some objections she did some cleaning. You can now see her floor!

Friday we had picked up some pre used Wii games at Gamestop. We finally had some time and decided to try them out after cleaning. Boy was it fun! All three of us chose a Sonic character and played "party games". Hubby won overall but it was fun to see how we were all good at different games. Wii are all looking forward to doing it again soon.

Looking toward tomorrow

So much time has passed since we first found out that MAC has "issues" that sometimes it seems as if all my life has been is thinking about Doctor's appointments, medications and meetings with teachers, guidance counselors, principals, and nurses.

Today I took a day just for myself. Over the past few months I have taken some time for myself but I pretty much took the whole day today. My general practitioner has not been happy with my blood pressure and my endocrinologist has not been happy with my blood work and they have both suggested that I try to lessen the stress in my life. I did just that today: this morning I went to the mall when it opened. I got there early enough not to have to fight over a parking spot, and I took a nap in the middle of the afternoon just because I felt tired. At 2 I went and helped to clean up the room where Member Care and Fellowship stores all their items. I met a friend at 6 and we had a quick bite to eat before we went to see Love and Other Drugs.

I know tomorrow there will be all sorts of things that I need to do (laundry, grocery shopping, and dishes just being the tip of the ice berg) but today I can whole heartedly say: I feel rested and am looking toward tomorrow.

The Day After

It is the day after American Thanksgiving and we are still recovering. MAC and Hubby got to stay home and play and I went in to work. Amazingly there were about 10 people there working the day like me. I was so jealous of MAC and Hubby getting to stay home, no Black Friday deals for me.

I did leave some jobs that they needed to do: Science Fair project, cleaning her room, cleaning the living room, and maybe even doing some laundry. Amazingly when I got home they both said that they had done all that.

I don't know about them but I am still really stuffed from yesterday. Hubby made me breakfast in bed this morning. It was great to just lay in bed and know that I didn't have to worry about what MAC was doing today. Lunch today was very small, just a few shrimp and 6 onion rings. Dinner was a few pieces of sushi and some salmon wrapped asparagus. I even went to the gym, but am still feeling “full”.

MAC did several of the items on her to do list today. She has figured out that the grape juice has begun to turn and has clothes in her dresser. The living room still looks as if a cyclone hit it but she is happy to have the next few days. She will spend some time with her grandparents but is not looking forward to Monday, and the beginning of school.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends! This morning was filled with grocery shopping, working out at the gym and baking. This afternoon was filled with turkey wings, green bean casserole, 7 layer salad, oyster stuffing and chocolate pecan pie.
MAC had a really fun day of cinnamon rolls, Yu-Gi-Oh, and napping. Of course when we went to dinner at 3:30pm she was "bored" and was ready to go home after the chips and guacamole. She did play with her cousin a little and she had fun eating the big turkey leg and the chocolate pecan pie but had the "Thanksgiving Day Hangover" very soon after the pie.

She is currently downstairs sleeping on the couch.  Hubby and I are watching Punkin Chunkin' on Discovery, at least until we fall asleep!

Another Day off

Today was yet another day off school for MAC. Her Grandparents are in town for Thanksgiving tomorrow and they invited her out for lunch and to see a movie today.

She was very excited about it yesterday when I spoke to her about it. She was almost bouncing off walls when I called to remind her to shower and take pill this morning. When I got home from the gym this afternoon she was sitting calmly in the computer chair. When I asked her how the movie was she said, "Awesome" and then turned back.

She has been off for 3 days now and instead of working on her science fair project, cleaning her room, or going out and playing she has been eating her cookie exchange cookies and watching Yu-Gi-Oh on the computer. I can't blame her, if I had a week off I'd love nothing better than to sit back and read a few books and knit something!

A Glee Wedding

Tuesday means Glee night. I was able to work a little late, have dinner, run to Mom and Dad's and be home in time for Glee with MAC.

She was so excited to see Sue in a wedding track suit. It was interesting for me to "meet" Sue's mother, played by Carol Burnett. At the end of the show Sue told her mother that every time she had a conversation with her she left the conversation feeling worse about herself than when the conversation had started.

I can only hope that MAC doesn't feel like that in the future. MAC's current favorite phrase is, "Don't judge me!" She says it jokingly but it is a hard truth that we all need to learn. I try not to be judgemental even when she does some things that just leave me saying "Hum".

Sue was marrying herself tonight, I know that one day MAC will find someone that makes her happy and will love her for being her.

Happy People

Another good day for MAC and I. We spent a second day together. Getting up for church was a bit difficult this morning but apparently she had a really good time in Sunday School. The 2 of us stayed through the second service to watch the cutest little girl in the nursery.

After the service we ran to the Korean Market to get some items for MAC to bring to the cookie exchange this afternoon. She and I then had a nice time at the cookie exchange. She is very excited to have a whole lot of cookies that are hers!

At the end of the exchange I was helping to clean up when I had a nice conversation with one of the other participants. He said that MAC had surprised him by giving him a little hug this morning. She had smiled at him and he had heard her laughing too.

I was thrilled that although the day started a little on the rough side it ended with lots of cookies and two very happy people.

Cookies anyone?

Tomorrow is the cookie exchange at church. MAC and I had a very full day of cookies. We got up to go shopping for the ingredients for the shortbread cookies. MOMs in Bowie had all the specialized items we needed, it was expensive but the cookies turned out great!

We had to make 13 dozen cookies. We started baking at around 11:30 and took a quick break around 12:30 for lunch. MAC was so excited about baking that she told me to just sit back and she would finish the first batch. She did a wonderful job rolling out the dough, cookie cutting, and then putting them on the baking sheet. I helped by making the second round of batter and around 3:30pm we had to leave for Girl Scout cookie sales.

The booth sale in Bowie went ok, we didn't sell a whole lot, but by the end of 2 hours we had 8 boxes left. The second shift didn't have to sell.

MAC and I both will be going to the cookie exchange tomorrow, she is looking forward to having 144 cookies that are all her own!

What do you do?

I got tickets to go see Transiberian Orchestra tonight. Hubby and I went (yes, it was kind of like date night without the expensive dinner at a 4 star restaurant before hand) and had a really great time. The laser show was awesome and I had a great time watching the guys run all over the stage. We left MAC by herself at the house. She had strict instructions to do her homework, and go to bed on time.

I felt a little bad about leaving her, but after hearing about the laser show I knew that it probably would not be a good concert for her. I must say that our metro ride home made me even happier that we had left her.

We were able to get on the orange line at L'Enfant Plaza. The trains were short so we had to move to get on to the train. We ended up in the last car. As we were getting on several teenage girls were getting off and we heard them yelling at someone on the train.

When we got on I was able to sit down, hubby stood. We found that the person they were yelling at was walking around the car. He was talking to everyone and was not watching his mouth, he dropped the "N" word about himself several times, and cursed at people. There was a 6 year old who had gotten on at the same stop as us and his mother asked the person to watch his mouth. He said that he had every right to talk to anyone that he wanted and however he wanted since I was a free country. After saying this he walked right up to the kid and started talking to him.

About 5 stops out from New Carrolton he was finally taken from the train. It required 2 officers and some force. After he was taken off, Hubby and I talked about it. He said that he would have intervened if the guy had put his hands on either the child or his mother but that he was leery of getting involved on an enclosed train. I understood completely, in this day and age of litigation you never know when being a "good Samaritan" will put you in line for being sued.

Explanation

I had my "interview" with our new interim pastor on Wednesday after work. He asked lots of questions about my view of the church and where I hoped the church would be headed.


At the end of the interview I tried to explain a little about our family. The depression, the seizures, the Asperger’s, the hospitalizations, and the anger. It was good to see how far we have come over the last 18 months, but it was also disappointing to see how we have gotten stuck in a few places.

Glee Tuesday

I am happy to say that we had another Glee Tuesday.  MAC did her homework and everything was in good order when we left for the Girl Scout Meeting.  She was dressed in my black dress because she was supposed to "model" something "vintage".  The black dress ended up looking more "classic" but with a silk scarf it looked great and I explained that every woman should have a "little black dress".

The meeting started off a little rocky but she gathered herself together and by the end was having fun with the Junior girls. 

We came home a little late and Glee was already on but we did sit together and finish the show.  I really look forward to Tuesday's and having a solid hour of uninterupted time with her.  She really seems to look forward to it to.  I hope we can make it through the season before she gets bored with me and Glee.

Who will Love me?

A new song has come onto the radio station I usually listen to. The first phrase of the chorus goes: Who will love me for me, not for what I have done or what I will become. This phrase has gone through my head for the last few days. The song gave me chills the first time I heard it. The first verse talks about a little boy in foster care, the second verse talks about a woman abandoned by her husband, and the third verse is about a killer waiting to be put to death.

MAC and I talk every once in a while about how Hubby and I will love her no matter what she does. How there are times when we will be angry with her and that yes sometimes yelling will happen but when all is said and done we love her, just the way she is. I hope that when she feels hopeless she remembers this.

Link to the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Igemp1fZvk&feature=player_embedded

LOVE ME Lyrics

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

Mother Daughter Days

Today and tomorrow MAC and I will be spending a lot of time together. As always there was church this morning. She sat through service and then went and helped with Sunday School. She was the official taste tester of the David and Goliath "stones" that they made. (It was homemade donut holes and after having one from each batch, of which there were about 12, she didn't feel so good!) After helping to clean up the room I was able to take her home for a few hours of watching Hulu.

She and I then ran to Bowie Town Center where we found a Birthday gift for my father, a new manga for MAC and a new devotional for me. We went to AC Moore so she could get another sketch book and to 5 below to see if we could find a special Yu-Gi-Oh card set. We were on our way home when we got a call from her friend TB's mom. He had about an hour and a half before he had to go and was wondering if MAC could have a short play date. We went to Annapolis and she had a 50 minutes to play with her friend.

We had a very nice sit down dinner of ribs bar-b-qued by Hubby. She loved every bite and went to bed a very happy camper.

Tomorrow she has a Dr's appointment in the middle of the morning. She will go to school, I will pick her up, take her to the appointment and then we'll spend a little time having lunch together before I take her back to school.

It was a very nice afternoon together. We didn't have any fights, got what we needed, and had fun at the same time. This is the way to start the Holiday season!

Milestones

Today was a field trip to the waterfowl festival on the Eastern Shore. I was a little surprised when I read "waterfowl festival" on the permission slip but it was a wonderful experience. It wasn't just about hunting ducks (although M R Ducks ran through my head a few times) but was an art wonderland.

MAC was excited about going on the field trip, all the way up to the point that we got off the bus in Easton. I had to run to the bathroom and the group headed to the elementary school with out me. When I left they were heading to the shuttle bus, when I came out they were gone so I assumed they had got on the shuttle. I got on the next shuttle and tried calling the chaperone with the group. There was no answer.

The shuttle took A LOT longer than anticipated, and then I found out the group had walked to the venue! By the time I got to the school about half an hour later something had happened. No one is sure what exactly, I kind of think that it was a combination of a 1/2 mile walk and then everyone else wanting to buy food (and I had all the money), but she had sat down at a table and put her head down and refused to move. When I got there she and I were able to go through the food line and then followed the rest of our group to see the live birds of prey demonstration.

I was glad that she did not cause a scene today and that I was there to be able to stay with her while she gathered herself together. I think the 2 chocolate brownies and sprite helped. She slept on the bus home and was almost a cheerful person when her friend TB teased her about sleeping.

Today was a milestone for her and I would like to thank everyone for helping me reach my milestone of 100 blog posts!

The M R Ducks story:

The story goes that two duck hunters in a duck blind on Maryland's Eastern Shore were looking skyward when this friendly exchange occurred...


M.R. Ducks
M. R. Not
O. S. A. R.
C. M. Wangs
L. I. B.
M. R. Ducks

Translation:

Them are ducks.
Them are not.
Oh, yes, they are.
See them wings?
Well, I'll be.
Them are ducks.

Safety First

Tuesday I missed the bus drop off at the library. The bus got to the library about the time I left the office. MAC said that she waited for me for 10 minutes and then wanted to go home so she walked it. I sat at the library until 5:40 when Hubby called to say that she had just walked through the door. I was a little frightened of her walking by herself in the dark.

Today was the second afterschool day of the week. It was also a federal holiday. The bus drops off at the library because it is someplace that the kids can go into where it is warm and wait, and where there is help available if it is needed. Unfortunately, today the library was closed but the schools were open.

I was there at 5:15 today. The bus pulled up at 5:40. Most of the kids walked right away to waiting cars and MAC got in the car and asked for a Glee CD. I was pulling out when I saw two kids still standing at the corner. I pulled up and asked them if they needed to borrow a cell phone to call a parent. They both said no. I told them I would wait with them until someone came to pick them up. I told her that I hope if ever she was in the same situation someone would wait with her, and I was even more glad that I stayed when three teenagers walked up and sat at the benches.

I spoke with MAC about what to do if she got to the library and it was closed and no one was there to pick her up. She said, "Yes mom" she was so embarrassed that I had stayed to make sure the other kids were picked up.

Dinner Time

We have been trying something new and revolutionary the past few days: eating dinner at the table, together! For a long time we would come home from work, pop a meal into the microwave and sit down in front of the TV for some relaxation.

We cleaned the downstairs of our house because we had the cable triple play installed last weekend. We are now able to see the dining room table as well as the kitchen table and have decided to make the most of it. Monday night and last night we ate in the dining room, tonight we all ate in the kitchen.

Monday night we talked about homework. Last night the conversation was "we've got to go, the meeting starts in 20 minutes!" Tonight the conversation was about how our day went and what we are doing as a family over the next few weeks. I am excited that we are spending time together. I am happy that even though she wants to leave the table she is willing to stay long enough for everyone to finish eating and has even begun to clean her plate and cup up afterward.

Yes the family dinner table is going to be back in our family!

You can't go back...

Tonight we were supposed to have a girl scout meeting. We had not heard that we could not use the school, even though they were having family night at the school. The school never uses the art room for these special nights. The other co-leader and I discussed several times weather we should keep our meeting at the school, move it to another venue, or just cancel until December.  Because we are still in the middle of cookie sales we decided to have our meeting tonight as usual.

MAC and I got to the school about 15 minutes earlier than we normally would have and we walked in and met the principal. It was the same principal that gave MAC her "diploma" 2 years ago. She told us that she had cancelled our meeting since the school was in use.

Not that MAC would ever want to go back, but walking in to the school and talking to the principal made ME glad that she will never have to go back there. I felt MACs stress level raise 50 points as soon as she saw the principal. I guess I'm just as bad, because I felt my hackles rise too.

We did finally find our troop at the leader’s house. We had our full hour and a half meeting, the girls finished 2 interest projects and got ready for the meeting next week when they will be helping to run a junior meeting.  Moving forward is not always easy but I would not want to go back.

A little laughter

So last week I was rattling off to my mother about why I was so tired and the usual came up: I have to keep telling MAC the same thing over and over again. Yes the first 2 (sometimes even 3) times I try to be polite and nice but by the 3rd, 4th, 5th time I am no longer in the mood to be nice. MAC likes to call me the "Mean Nasty Mommy" at that point. She tends to point out that I am not asking in a nice voice (like I tell her she should) and that I am not treating her the way that I want to be treated.

Mom said to me that I should remember that everything is better with a little laughter. I decided to try it and the next time I asked her to do something and she didn't listen I made a joke about it to her. She laughed and then actually listened to me.

Today we had another situation along those same lines. She needed to take her pills, do homework and read before she went to bed. When I told her this she ignored me. When I made a joke about it and what could happen she laughed and repeated back to me what she needed to do.

I guess Mom was right, a little laughter does go a long way.

Helping out

Once every three months I get to watch over the kids in the church nursery. Once every six months I get to teach "Kids Club". During these times I usually have MAC come and help me. She really likes to be around the younger children. This month we got to teach about the boy who fed the 5,000 with his lunch of 2 fishes and 5 loaves.

MAC actually went to Sunday School on her own today. I didn't have to remind her and she came out smiling and talking with two of the other girls. Next week she will be helping with Sunday School and making donuts to remind the kids about David and Goliath.

Today’s kids club went really well. I forget sometimes how good she is with the younger children. The kids loved her reading the story to them and she got them to answer questions about the story. They played hang man since the service went a little long, and they all loved looking at MACs drawing journal.

I was duly impressed when the boys started calling her "the weird girl" and she didn't get angry or get hurt feelings. She enjoyed showing the kids her drawings and they asked her to show them how she started them which she did. In two weeks we will be with the babies in the nursery.

Dinner and pencils

Today was another day off of school. It is one of those days where there were so many things she should have done and so many things that have gone undone. When I asked her what she had done today she told me that she had drawn in her journal, watched hulu, and drawn in her journal some more.

When I got home with all the girl scout cookies in the trunk of my car I asked the Fam if they knew what they wanted to do for dinner. We decided to go to Smokey Bones since MAC has really been craving ribs. She got a full rack of St. Louis ribs. "It was the best meal ever!"

We then took a quick run to Staples and Target. A few new .9 mechanical pencils and a new mini-pokemon later here we are back at home.

YEAH it's the weekend! Don't forget to turn your clocks back and hour when you go to bed tomorrow, change the batteries in your smoke detectors, and change the air filter in your furnace.

Singing Anyone?

Tonight was PoP Music and Senior choir night at church. PoP music started at 7:15 and around 8:05 I went to senior choir. When I arrived at church this evening the director of the senior choir pulled in next to me. She and I walked into the building together. She asked if MAC was still singing. When I said yes she asked if I thought that MAC might want to sing in the children's/senior choir pageant in December. I told her that I would be happy to talk to her but could not answer for her.

I love being able to get away for a little bit every week and play music. I get a little bit of time at work on Thursday's during lunch where I get to play lots of "oldies" music and then in the evenings I go play Christian music at church. Sometimes Hubby will come and practice at church, and a few times MAC came, but they don't come on a regular basis. I have asked MAC several times to come sing with PoP music but she says no every time.

When I got home this evening I did ask MAC if she would like to sing in the pageant. Surprisingly she did say yes!

Another meeting

This morning was another meeting with the school. The wonderful thing about Bates is that it is a "school of choice" for MAC. She had to audition to get in. She had to write an essay. She has one Saturday a month that she has to be at school. She has to take Italian. The bad thing is that since it is a school of choice she has to work to stay there.

She had an issue on the Saturday before we went to St. Louis. Today's meeting put her on "probationary status". She has several items which must get done to bring her back to "good standing" and we will have another meeting at the end of the quarter. If she has any more issues which bring her to the attention of the principal, she will be sent back to Crofton Middle.

She was in the meeting and has said that she understands the consequences of her behavior. She says that she knows she has different ways to handle different situations and that there are a lot of people willing to help her. She said that she plans to continue going to the Girls Group and will talk with the talk therapist. I truly hope that this is another one of those times when something bad will turn into something good.

Another day off

Another day off of school. Both Hubby and I are looking forward to tomorrow when we will no longer get those "wonderful" robocalls trying to tell us how to vote. MAC was really happy to be home and able to sleep in this morning. I thought being home meant that she would actually have to do some school work. Silly Mommy! Even though we have taken the cable away from the downstairs TV she has found that she can watch her favorite shows on the computer.

She did have a dental appointment today and Hubby took her. I tried to schedule it late in the afternoon so Hubby could get some sleep, it was a 2:30pm appointment. When I called at 2pm to make sure they were awake, I was surprised that they weren't!

Friday will be another day off, just for the middle school students. The middle school teachers have a special conference, I kind of hope that they will be discussing how to deal with bullying and how to be inclusive to all students. (Hey I can dream can't I?) MAC has been told that if she cleans her room she can invite a friend over on Friday, so far I haven't seen much movement of the items off her floor!

This morning

This morning Hubby woke up MAC and she jumped out of bed, taken a shower, got dressed, and had taken her pills in under 30 minutes. I told them both that I didn't understand why when I wake her up she always takes her time and refuses to wear any of the clothes I ask her to. 

I was told that it was because Hubby went to her room, and sat on her bed to wake her up, not yelling from another room. I told MAC that I would be happy to go in and sit on her bed to wake her up but she told me in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed in her room. I am trying to "honor her request" but she does need to get up so that she can get to the bus.

I know that there are going to be "those days". One day we'll look back at all of this and laugh. I can only wish that she recieves the mothers curse, "To have a child just like her!"

Advice

Alright, I know that I'm not always the sharpest pencil on the desk but I really wish that I could stop getting "advice" from well meaning family. The plane ride home today was not quite as much fun as the plane ride to St. Louis.

The young ladies and I had talked about sitting together and R and I had planned to let them if the plane wasn't too crowded. We had every expectation that it wouldn't be that crowded because when we did our boarding passes yesterday we got higher numbers even though we didn't get to a computer until about 19 hours before the flight, and on Thursday R had been able to get on line exactly 24 hours before the flight. We were wrong.

We allowed the girls to sit in two seats next to each other and R was going to sit at the end of the 3 seats. Then R said that MAC had told her to that she would take care of Z and moved to sit next to me in the last row. Almost as soon as she got up an older gentleman sat down in the chair.

R sat next to me and gave me lots of advice on how to change MACs behavior and new schools to look into. Over the course of the weekend my mother had given me lots of advice on what to make sure MAC knew and how to respond to. 

Over the course of the two hour flight I kept hearing the two girls squealing and saw the chair moving back and forth while they rocked themselves with laughter. While I appreciate them having fun, I also was thinking that the man probably didn't want to get spit at as they blew at each other. I tried to ask R to talk to them since she was closer but she kept saying that no one was complaining so to just leave them alone. I watched the man's head shake several times throughout the trip...R was talking with our seat mate about USANA, in Spanish and I know she didn't see it.

Yes, I'm sensitive to what my child is doing. Yes I'll listen politely to your advice. Yes I will try to stop something before it happens because I don't want the phone calls from the school/police/parent/put your own authority figure here. I love my child and even thought I know she needs to make mistakes to learn I am trying to keep the mistakes which cost me money or lots of time from happening.

Proud

Any of you who have ever heard my cell phone ring know that I have MACs chorus as my ring tone. They are singing the theme from The Biggest Loser, Proud. Saturday I was so PROUD of my daughter. As I said yesterday we have been talking a lot about what type of behavior was expected during the visitation and at the memorial service, we went over all of it again at 11:00am CST before I headed to the home for a quick practice.

MAC was excited to wear her new Selena Gomez clothes and listened with her usual "You are so boring" look on her face. I gave her some of the worst case scenarios of people wanting to hug her and touching her on her head/face without giving any warning and what she could say when people asked questions. She brought her IPod and her drawing journal, and at the last minute decided to bring Pikachu. (I knew there was a reason I wanted her to bring a large purse!)

Visitation lasted for a little over an hour, because people came a little early, and she looked at people and spoke when they asked her questions. She even smiled a few times. She and my niece Z behaved extremely well. They were the only kids at there and there was no running or hitting or "I'm bored". MAC looked at the old pictures of Grandma and was shocked that she was ever young enough to have been in dance class like her and said that she was really pretty when she was a WACC.

Pikachu came out for the graveside service. She sniffled a little and hugged him really close.

We went to my Dad's cousin's house for dinner and she answered questions about her school and what PVA meant. When we left at 10pm she had played The Game of Life, drawn a new picture, and colored several with the 3 color pen she found in the backpack. She and Z fell asleep in the car on the way back to the hotel.

I fell asleep almost as soon as the contacts were out which is why this is so late. I am so proud of my daughter and of her behavior. She is looking forward to this evening and hoping we get home with enough time for her to go to her friend’s house for Halloween Festivities.

Ease or effort?

MAC and I have been talking all week how when we fly out to St. Louis it is family time, that she will be meeting with people that haven't seen her in a long while or have never met her and that she will need to "be more adult" and talk with people etc... She usually gives me one of her long suffering looks and says, "I know, I can't wait to meet people".

She got out of school 2 hours early today and I was supposed to pick her up from my sisters house so she could finish her packing and then she was going to go with my sister to pick up my niece from school. I got a phone call at 2 saying that R could just drop MAC off after they picked up my niece, which I said ok but asked several questions: where is your good pencil? where is your phone charger? (I forgot to ask if she had her phone with her so we now have the charger and no phone.) are you planning on taking your DSi with you? where is your wallet? She got tired of my asking questions and actually hung up on me! When she got home she needed to change because although I like her uniform she hates it. She had thought that that was all she needed to do and wanted to go help my sister pack. I started on the questions again: where is your wallet? why are you wearing that? what real book are you planning on taking? We didn't leave our house for another half hour.

We got to the airport at 5:15 and made it through the screening process fairly quickly (25 minutes). Our plane didn't leave until 6:30 so as soon as our shoes were back on and our bags were collected MAC wanted food. She and I had Arby's, R wasn't hungry and Z (the niece) got a taco from California Tortilla.

The flight was good, MAC got a window seat and had fun looking out at the twinkling lights below, Z sat on the aisle and had all the flight attendants "ohing and ahing" over her. Upon touchdown I once again spoke with her about the expected behavior when we meet people. When we arrived Mom and Dad were there to meet us and they took us back to the hotel. They got half hugs from MAC. My Aunt and Cousin J were at the hotel and came down the hall for a visit, at which time MAC decided that she didn't really want to meet anybody. I finally finagled her into coming to say hello before she shuffled off to bed. The hope is that tomorrow at breakfast will be better.

Yes, yes I know you're going to say that it was 8:30pm St. Louis time and she has been up since 6am EST this morning, or that the medication which I didn't force her to take until 9:15pm CST hadn't kicked in yet, but really: saying hello nicely doesn't take a lot of effort does it? I guess when you're tired (she fell asleep in about 5 minutes once her head hit the pillow) and not a people person it does take effort.

Packing

Tonight was busy and exciting and I think we may be ready for our trip tomorrow.


MAC had afterschool activities that brought her home on the activity bus and then we ran to dinner with my friend SG. Once again she didn't get her teachers to sign her homework sheet so we start the three day count again. We haven't spent time together in several weeks so this was a great couple of hours together. MAC and SGs kids had a fun time. SG also had her niece over tonight so it was two girls and two guys, a different dynamic for MAC. They played well together.

I dropped her at home with a list of items for her to get ready for me to pack:
1) under clothes for 2 days
2) pjs
3) swimsuit
4) 2 shirts
5) pants

I already had her outfit for the memorial and have packed our medications and have been getting my carry on together. I know that she has several items that she wants to take with us and will make sure that these items go in her backpack tomorrow.

I am excited to show MAC St. Louis. I know that we won't be seeing a lot of the city but I hope that we can take a quick trip to the Arch and to see the Mississippi. It would be interesting if we went to dinner at Schnucks (which is where we used to go when I was young and visiting my Grandparents). I hope that we will also meet with some family while we are out there, since I'm not sure that we will ever get back to St. Louis.

Looking forward

It's Tuesday. I know that it sounds pretty dumb to say that, but I am looking at my calendar and wondering where the week has gone. Yesterday was very busy at work and then I had dinner plans which didn't end until 10ish. I got home and crashed, I sat down on the bed started typing, and about three minutes after I "published" I was sleeping.

Tonight was a Girl Scout leader meeting in Baltimore. We left the house around 5:50 and got back around 9:40. Tomorrow I am planning to have lunch with a friend and then going home to work on the laundry and dishes. Thursday is dinner with my friend SG and PoP Music practice and then on Friday MAC and I will be leaving for St. Louis with my sister and her daughter.

Did you know that you can now buy your Girl Scout Cookies on line? I thought the fact that we had sold 100 boxes of cookies was decent, nope. The meeting that I just came from was talking about selling 1,149,012 boxes. If anyone out there still wants cookies please feel free to contact me!

MAC is looking forward to Friday. Her current incentive to get her sheet signed and to bring her homework home is the next book in the Manga series she is reading. Today she earned #8 by getting her sheet signed 2 days in a row. If she can do this for three days straight she’ll get the next book. I know if she puts her mind to it that I will be in the bookstore on Friday before the flight!

Pimp or Prize?

I know that I can't be the only parent out there who has begun to feel as if the school, the Girl Scouts, and the Boy Scouts(or any other group related to our children) has decided that we are a bunch of money bags. The school had sent home Otis Spunkmeyer cookie dough order forms about the third week of the school year, the Girl Scouts have just finished cookie pre-sales, and my friend's son has been selling popcorn for his cub scout troop.

While I understand that each of these groups is a good place for my money to go, there are still times that I feel coerced into buying. MAC has not sold the PTA/school fundraiser for the past two years but we have consistently been one of the top sellers of Girl Scout Cookies in her troop. The fact that the school has a "carnival party" for those who sell a certain number of items, that girl scouts says that you can earn different levels of prizes, and that the Boy Scouts only allows certain prizes if you have earned certain "chips" makes it feel a little like "pimping our kids".

Tonight I picked up the cookies from our cookie Mom and I'll get up early tomorrow morning to sort through them and pack them to hand out tomorrow. It reminds me of when I was in the Arundel High School Band and Mom used to get up early with me on Monday mornings to make sub sandwiches, our fundraiser.

What do you Use your allowance for?

Today was the last day of the Maryland Renaissance Festival. It made me sad to walk onto the Faire ground and to say goodbye to old and new friends.

One of MACs favorite things to do is to eat. When she gets to go to the Faire and eat it is even happier. She was sad today because she knew that it was the end of all the goodies I tend to bring home to her.

Last week we had to fix my car, to the tune of $780, so this was a very lean last day at Faire. As I was leaving this morning she asked me to get her a spinach pie and some cheese bread. I told her that I was happy to get her a pie but that if she wanted the cheese bread she would have to pay for it herself. I thought I was being smart but she ran upstairs and grabbed her wallet.

She has both spinach pie and cheese bread for lunch tomorrow. Each time I spoke with her father she would yell at the phone, "Did you get my bread?" I was very happy to be able to tell her that she got double cheese bread. I was able to get Hubby a last piece of Spicy Beef Jerky and to have my first steak on a steak. 

It was sad that it was the last day of Faire but I know that it will only make us look forward to next year all the more!

Laughter

Today we had a lot of laughter at dinner. The three of us went to dinner at The Green Turtle because we needed to go to K-mart and return the dress that I had found for her to wear at Grandma's memorial service.

She put the dress on and not only did I realize that she needed a pair of black stretch pants or jeans, but that the dress I got was definitely NOT her size. I had gotten a size larger in the matching sweater, and she LOVED the outfit. It is a grey dress with a little ruffle of flowery material at the bottom. They were designed by Selena Gomez apprently and the fact that it came with an "awesome" necklace helped I'm sure.  She had a huge smile on her face as she came to show me how it looked on her. I said I thought we needed to get the next size up just so that we could wash the dress and she said, "Oh good idea."

I wanted to make sure that we got the right size and there was only one dress left that I had seen in that size. We headed out as soon as we could change back to regular clothes.

We went for dinner first and had a really nice time. She cracked a few jokes and Hubby and I would look each other and say, "That is YOUR child, with YOUR sense of humor!" We laughed with each other as we noticed all the bar-b-que sauce on each other’s faces, and when she tried to lick a napkin to get the sauce off her hands and it stuck to her tongue.

I laughed when she ran for the purses. I laughed when Hubby gave a huge sigh because she ran for the purses. And we all laughed when we walked past the bathrobes and she had to snuggle into one because it was so soft.

It was a great way to end the week!

Dinner and a Book

Tonight MAC and I ate dinner together. That is to say, we sat at the same table, ate almost the same thing, and mumbled a word or two to each other between pages of our books. We do usually eat sitting at the table once every other week when we go to my friend SGs for dinner but tonight was a little different.

I picked up MAC at the library and we headed home. She did not have her homework done, nor did she have a signed homework sheet. I took away the TV for tonight because of the sheet and she had to start on her homework as soon as we got home.

The last part of her homework is the same homework we have had in language arts since she was in kindergarten: read. This year she is supposed to read 20 minutes each night. I had her reading while we heated dinner. It was supposed to be macaroni and cheese but when I went to put the cheese sauce on I found that it had been opened and left in the pantry. She ended up with some spicy Szechwan sauce instead and I found chili over pasta is pretty good.

We ate sitting at the same table but because she was reading I decided to read too. It was very nice sitting with her even if we didn't talk. Yep, dinner and a book, and the best dinner I've had in a month!

I Love You

I Love you. Three words that most parents hear at least once a day from their child. Hubby and I don't usually hear it without some prompting and her Grandparents hear it even less than we do.

For the first time in a long while I heard the words while we were in the car this evening. She just said it. No prompting from me, I wasn't purchasing her anything, and it came out of thin air! We had talked about Glee and the big premier next week and then she just said it. "I Love you Mom".

This morning was the last part of the school incident from two weeks ago. She does seem to have figured out that she never wants anything like this to happen again. The intake officer required that MAC apologize to the other student, to her father, and to me. She did so with tears in her eyes which almost had me crying too.

One day when she has finished school, remembers to take her medication on her own, and is leading a productive life I know that we will look back on these days and say, "See it seemed so hard then but it was all worth it". I know that at some time we will hear I Love you at the end of the phone conversation without prompting and that she will understand that homework is not a torture device that teachers dreamed up just for her.

Bribery?

Ok, so I have resorted to bribery. Yesterday was a good day for MAC at school, this means she made it through the whole day and I didn't receive a call. She came home and I forced her to do homework and we had a nice dinner that Hubby made that I didn't have to clean up. Today was another good day, and she made some money to boot.

She has a form that her teachers are supposed to sign at the end of each class and until today I had never seen more than 2 teacher’s signatures. She would come home and say things like, "Mr. XX wouldn't sign it" or "Mrs. XX was too busy and said to come back after lunch".

I have gotten tired of seeing these blank pages come home and I told her that I would pay her a dollar for every signature she brought me today. When she got out of the car I reminded her that she had 3 pages that needed to be signed. It could have cost me $16 dollars this afternoon if she had brought everything home signed. I promised her that I would give her cash when she gave me her form.

She was so excited when she brought me one form. It had 6 signatures. I asked her about the other ones. She said that she only thought she needed one. Of course she has now had two days and has not gotten the school form signed by any of her teachers. The school form is what she needs to give to her teachers so that they know she has 10 extra days to do any work that was missed during her "absence" from school.

She did get her $6 dollars.

Being Mommy

We went to the school today for MACs re-instatement interview. She was able to fully articulate why she had been suspended and what she could have done instead. We were able to meet with the Principal, Vice-Principal and the Alternative 1 teacher. She says that she never wants to have the same thing happen again. I hope she will remember this experience the next time something makes her "fighting mad".

I had a "manifestation meeting" with the Guidance Counselor and have begun to feel slightly prepared for our meeting with an intake officer on Wednesday. I am planning on taking her for the intake interview and then hope to take her to school. The Counselor and I also spoke about the Parent/Teacher conference and the additions which we added to the 504 plan.

It is surprising to me that I have been able to keep up with everything! This coming up week is the last weekend of the Faire and MAC has a PVA Saturday. Tonight was a church meeting night and tomorrow I have plans to go out with friends for a quick meal where we don't have kids and can take a few minutes to ourselves. I am watching the weather report and seeing the next two days with big rain clouds makes me want to curl up in the warm fuzzy PJs again.

MAC left me this morning, at the school, angry because I had dared to question her clothes and if she had eaten breakfast. Tonight she tells me that she loves me. Everyonce in a while I love being Mommy!

To be determined...

Tomorrow is our meeting with the school. I am not really looking forward to my morning at the school but know that I have to as MAC's mother. The first meeting is with the principal and vice principal to discuss why she was suspended. The second meeting is with the guidance counselor and we are supposed to talk about the 504 plan.
She went with me to church this evening to help out at the Fall Festival. It was really fun. There was cookie decorating, music, and pumpkin decorating as well as apple bobbing and dinner. I made lots of macaroni and cheese for the festival and took Hubby's guitar to play.

She is ready to go back to school. I sure hope that they are ready for her...

A Great Weeks End

MAC went to her friend's house today. They had so much fun that it was almost 8 hours after she was dropped her off before she was ready to be picked up. 

I was glad that the two of them had such a great time together. And the best part of it all is that she also got an ID today so everything we needed to get done over these 10 days has happened! Yeah!

Tomorrow is another busy day: her friend T is going to Faire with her, we will go set up for our church's Fall Festival, and then we'll go have dinner with her Grandparents, aunt, and cousin.

All in all this was a very good week for her and today was a great weeks end. ***Whew***

Staying home

There is something nice about being able to stay home. It is only 6pm and here I sit at my computer, in my warm fuzzy PJs and big fuzzy Eeyore slippers and all I can think about is, AHHHH....

Tomorrow is another one of those days that the school children have off where parents scratch their heads and ask, "why?" It is a "teacher work day". It happens every year, the Federal employees have off on Columbus Day Monday (even though the kids are still in school) but on Friday the schools are closed (and parents have to go in to work). When MAC was still needing day care these days would frustrate me to no end! I couldn't trade my Monday for Friday so I would have to get all my work done in 3 days.

These days MAC is old enough to stay by herself, to a point. I would usually call about 5 times during the day and would come home to find all the snack bags of chips were empty and on my living room floor. Her father is also home now, but he is working night shift so although he is at home, he is not really "watching" her (yes honey I know sleeping is a necessity).

Tomorrow we got lucky! Her friend MM has asked her over to play. She hasn't seen MM in almost 14 days and is hugely excited. MM has lots of Pokemon items and is very excited to be able to show MAC some new things that she has. Hubby is excited that he will be able to get some sleep, MAC is excited to be seeing her friend, and I am excited to be able to go to work and not get phone calls asking me where her DSi is or where her pencil ended up.

**Sigh** If only there were more times when I could sit in fuzzy slippers and read!

Do you do what you say you will?

This has not been the best of weeks. I have been able to keep myself and the rest of the family on schedule only because I have been putting everything into my planner. Today was the first day where our schedule did not have 3 to 4 different items for the day. I say this only to illustrate the fact that I understand what a calendar is, and how they work. I was having a pretty good day, until this afternoon.

For some odd reason I follow directions. When I get told to put things on the calendar I do so. I had made several phone calls over the course of the week and was waiting for call backs. When someone calls me back and says one thing, and then I call to confirm, and tell them that I will be sending out an e-mail, the natural thing to expect is that I WILL DO WHAT I JUST SAID I WOULD. Of course I then get told that my e-mail was wrong, that another person "was waiting to send the e-mail" and that I don't double check my facts.

MAC has been working really hard at ACE and had another "Fantastic" day today. I owe her a breakfast-on-the-go tomorrow. You can bet she's going to hold me to that promise! When I got home today she and a friend from down the road were outside playing. She didn't come back in until after 6.  She was asked to do a picture for the ACE program.  She said she would, it is a wonderful anime drawing that she even gave some color to.

We teach our children to do what they say they will. They get in trouble when they don't. Why is it that as an adult, I now get in trouble at work for doing what I say I will? 

Life lessons in Glee

The second and fourth Tuesday's of the month are always more on the difficult side for me. This year the PVA has changed it's afterschool days to Tuesday and Thursday instead of Wednesday and Thursday. This would usually put us a little behind the eight ball for Girl Scouts which happens the second and fourth Tuesday.

Most of the time I will pick her up at the library at 5:45 run home for a bite of dinner and then we run to Girl Scouts at 6:30. It is usually very tight, and sometimes homework gets put off until the morning so we can watch Glee. This was not the case tonight.

Due to being in the ACE program this week she was out of school at noon. Neither the other leader nor myself had had time to get a meeting together so we cut our meeting down from an hour and a half to just an hour. She had done all of her homework at the ACE program and has completed almost all of the work that was sent from school so there is nothing that we need to do in the morning.

This week’s Glee had some very candid talk about being homosexual. MAC had some questions about the differences in being homosexual and bi-sexual. She has made a friend who has come out as being bi-sexual. When I spoke with MAC about what it means to be bi-sexual she could give me a definition but couldn't understand why it would be a problem. Tonight gave me a life lesson. Having to try to explain why some people don't like homosexuals (or bi-sexual) was difficult.

I am glad that she sees no problem with having a bisexual friend. I hope that this understanding continues forever!

Communication

As an aside I wish Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends! It's funny to know that they have the same holiday, just a different month.

MAC was given permission from her father tonight to stay up a little late and watch the new iCarly. It was about how iCarly brought a couple together. Carly and her friends helped a couple get together but when they arrived at the wedding somehow the bride decided she would rather marry Spencer. MAC kept laughing and Miranda Richardson even sang a song.

I have begun watching a new CBS show called Mike and Molly. It is about two overweight people who met at an overeaters anonymous meeting. The show shows their trials as they get together. Tonight they “broke up” because of a communication issue. Mike didn’t want to push their relationship too fast and Molly thought it was her. (The end was very Walton like.)

I guess it just goes to show that a little communication can make even the angry parts alright.

Things to remember

So we are down to three weekends left of the RenFest and I am already feeling a little blue. I have been having a really wonderful time working there and although I am away for most of the weekend it has given me time to "recharge" and I feel as if I am coming home a better mommy. Especially after last week I continually get told that I need "to make sure to take care of myself", this is how I am doing it.

MAC had her Middle School Girls Group (MSGG) this afternoon. It was interesting that when she called to wish my mother a happy birthday she told "Grammy" that she had a really good time at the group. When I asked her about the group, "it was fine". Today there were 4 of them in group and they talked about losing someone close.

We had dinner with my sister and her daughter this evening. We are planning a trip to St. Louis at the end of the month for Grandma's memorial service and we talked about plans and who from the family were planning to make the trip. The girls ate and then ran to the living room to play Monopoly Jr. It was a really nice evening that both of us enjoyed.

I hope that as we look back on this time she won't necessarily remember the fact that I was gone for nine weeks of the fall (although she has enjoyed her days at faire), but that we did make time to play and visit with family and friends.

Last day before the holiday

Today was her last day for the week at the ACE program. She seems to be thriving in this environment and has been doing all the work that the school has sent as well as working on her drawings and even doing a little reading. Anne Arundel County doesn't have extra-curricular activities on Friday, so there is no ACE program.

Next week she will attend ACE Monday through Thursday and Friday is a day off for middle school students throughout the county. I look forward to Columbus Day Monday's. Federal employees have the day off although the school system has the kids still going in. When she was in elementary school I used to go in and volunteer. Now that she is in middle school I'm taking the day for myself.

Oh, yes, Monday is also my wedding anniversary. Hubby still has to work and I have a meeting at church so it won't be big.

And more appointments...

Today was another set of appointments. The first was with the Boys and Girls Club "ACE Program". It was an "intake" interview. She had to wear her uniform and could only take her three ring binder, a pencil and her lunch. This made me telling her to leave her hat and her drawing journal in the car not so fun.

The interview went much better when they told her she could bring her journal in and draw in it after she had finished her school work. I brought in a sullen mad girl and left a young lady who was talking nicely with the different teachers. Hubby picked her up at noon and said that he was met by MAC and two teachers who said that she had a good day and that they had worked hard on "letting things go".

I ran to work for a few hours and then headed to the second meeting. It was with the school. I went in thinking that I was going to have a parent/teacher conference, a 504 meeting and a manifestation meeting. When I got to the school I found out that the 504 and manifestation meeting had been cancelled, due to the death of the guidance counselors’ parent. It was disappointing not to get everything done at once, but understandable.

I left the school and followed the school buses out. Not something fun to do. I was told to call back next week and reschedule.

MAC and I talked about what she would need to do when she goes back to school. This includes her getting signatures from each of teachers every day, going to help day for all the core classes, and the teachers trying to find her a more quiet spot to eat lunch in. I have now had a chance to speak one on one with all her teachers and they can put a face to a name.

I was glad to find out from her science teacher that she has a child who has several of the same diagnosis as MAC, so hearing how MAC reacts to things was helpful for her.

...Trying to find his way home

Although I love Glee and the time it allows me to spend with my daughter tonight definitely hit a little close to home. Tonight’s episode debated the existence of God while we followed the collapse and hospitalization of a characters parent. After last Wednesday the songs had me in tears several times.


MAC and I made it through both of her appointments today. The neurologist said that her medication wasn't working as well as it had been, keeping the seizures under control, because her body has changed size. She said unless MAC has another seizure that we could make our next appointment for 6 months. We got to our second appointment about a half hour early but did not get seen until about a half hour after our appointment time.

She had a good talk with the talk therapist today and she seems ready to go to the ACE program tomorrow. She has a clean uniform and promises me that her binder is ready to go.

The last song in Glee tonight was the first one I thought of when I figured out what the episode was about, One of Us. "If God had a name, would you call it to his face? If you were faced with him in all his glory what would you ask him if you had just one question?"

You can see the video and hear the song at:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4CRkpBGQzU

More doctors appointments

Tomorrow is appointment day. We have a follow up with the seizure doctor, where we have to say, unfortunately that she had one a few weeks ago. Then we get to go to her talk therapist. There we get to explain what happened last week and the consequences. I will then bring her home and drop her off for her father to take care of.

I have taken the first 4 hours off from work. I had expected to work a little late to make up some of the time while she was at the afterschool program but I guess that won't be happening now.   I told her father tonight that I am almost out of leave.  She starts the other program on Wednesday morning. We will need to drive her to the program and pick her up since they don't have transportation from CES. I get to go to school for a parent teacher conference Wednesday afternoon and I am praying that it is beneficial.

Yes, I have several questions that I plan to ask: the school therapist was supposed to do some in class observation, MAC has come home saying that the teachers have refused to sign her homework form, and she has had several issues with the Italian teacher. I hope to be able to get some answers from the school and to get more information about the October 23 meeting.

I am hoping that the seizure doctor will just have us come back in 6 months and that the talk therapist will discuss other ways she could have behaved on Friday. I am looking forward to lunch tomorrow, I’m planning on take out from my favorite restaurant.

I am happy that it has finally stopped raining, now if only it would warm up just a little!

Linda Ellerbe

Dad called today to tell me about a special on Nickelodeon tonight. Mom called while I was on my way to work to tell me that Dad had left the message.

Tonight's special was about bullying and how several students in the last few years have taken their own lives after being bullied or cyerbullied. There were several students on the show with her talking about how they were bullied or how they bullied others.

MAC and I watched the show together. I asked her questions during the show about how she felt and if she felt like some of the students. She said that it seems as if the teachers don't do anything in the classroomThey tell the children that they are there to "teach them". It was a theme throughout the whole show, a student would be bullied, they would tell the teacher, then the school administration and nothing would happen, after a while the student would get fed up with it and feel that there was no other way out but to kill themselves.

By the end of the show she was tired of my asking questions and left.

It was a great way to spend 20 minutes. I hope that it helped MAC to see that she is not the only one who has issues at school. Hopefully it also will remind her that there are ways to deal with being bullied and not all them are physical.  Thank you Linda Ellerbe!

On a separate note, I wish to thank MES. I know you have been calling and I truly appreciate the surprise I came home to tonight! Chocolate covered oranges are delicious!!

What doesn't kill us...

Today was the last of a very hellacious week. I won't go into details but suffice to say it involved the police department, suspension, and lots of tears.

When I started the blog I had help from my friend K. She was the one who suggested all the bamboo as my background. She suggested it because of the following story:

African story, a parable by Emmaus-Katigamu.

The story of the bamboo

Once upon a time there was a farmer who had two gardens. One was in the mountains and the other was in the plains. The farmer loved both gardens very much. But in particular he loved one tree in the mountain garden. This tree was a bamboo.

Bamboo was very tall and very beautiful. The farmer used to visit Bamboo every evening to admire and enjoy her beauty. When the farmer was visiting, Bamboo would always dance beautifully, which made the farmer even happier. The farmer loved Bamboo very much, much more than other trees.

It so happened that there was once a drought in the plains, and the lower garden started to dry. The drought was so severe that the plants started to die off. The farmer was desperate to find a way of watering this garden. There was plenty of water in the mountains, but he had no way of taking the water to the plains. Then the farmer remembered his friend Bamboo.

So the farmer went to Bamboo one evening and they started talking. "Bamboo," said the farmer, "I love you a great deal."

Bamboo was very happy. Dancing, she responded, "I too love you so much, master." The master was pleased.

"So now, Bamboo," said the master, "I want to use you."

"I am ready, master," answered Bamboo.

"But there is one condition," the master went on. "In order to use you, I must cut you down."

Bamboo was grieved and very disturbed. "Master," said Bamboo, "you say you love me. Why then do you want to destroy me?"

"Bamboo," the master said, "I don't want to destroy you, I want to use you. But in order for you to be usable to me, I must cut you. If you are not ready to be cut, I cannot use you."

Bamboo was most unhappy, because she feared the pain. But because she loved the master and trusted him, she decided to let the master go on. So the master took a hatchet and cut down Bamboo. It was very painful.

The master said, "Good, but there is some more work to do on you; I have to chop off your branches."

Bamboo complained even more. "Master, you want to kill me now." The master remained silent; and seeing that he was serious, Bamboo decided to submit. The master took his hatchet again and cleaned off the branches until Bamboo was very clean. Then he said, "This is really good, Bamboo, but there is still one last thing. I have to pop out your inside."

Bamboo was terrified. The last two steps had been painful enough, but to pop out her inside -- that was unthinkable. Bamboo struggled with this. But then the master said, "I cannot use you unless I pop out your inside." Seeing that the master was serious, Bamboo again submitted.

The master took an iron rod and popped out the inside until Bamboo was hollow. It was extremely painful. But Bamboo was now ready to be used.

The master used Bamboo as a pipe to connect his two gardens. Soon water started to flow from the mountain garden into the garden in the plains. The plants were revived. Seeing her usefulness, both Bamboo and the master were very happy. They ended up greater friends than before.

"I Love You"

Today didn't get much better. I really didn't want to get up this morning and Nicole didn't make me want to do anything other than curl up in my blankets and continue sleeping.

I have to say that we have had so much rain I better not hear anything about Maryland being in a drought again for a very long time. According to WJZ, Annapolis had 6 inches of rain drop by 2pm this afternoon. I was surprised that it seemed like a wind storm had also come through, there were a lot of branches down and lots of broken limbs on all of the roads coming home.

I got a phone call from the school at around 9am. In the middle of one of the heaviest rain falls I get a call that MAC has been throwing up. Apparently she got on the transfer bus and threw up and then threw up a few more times at school. The nurse called and asked that we come pick her up right away.

When I called Hubby I had him on one line and the school on the other. My office is in a dead zone so I had to hang up on him and finish talking to the school. After I hung up with the school I tried to call Hubby back but he didn't pick up again.

I called the "talk" therapist’s office and cancelled the appointment for today, I scheduled the next appointment with the "talk" therapist, I called the church to tell them about Grandma, I called my RenFest boss and let him know what was going on, and I did some actual work today. I didn't go to band practice at work today or PoP Music tonight, I just didn't have the energy. I am hoping that I will start feeling more like myself tomorrow.

MAC took the news of Great Nana's death better than I expected. She was sad but continued to get herself ready for school. She did ask if there was going to be a funeral and said that she would like to talk to the "talk" therapist about her sad feelings. She was very quiet in the car and didn't want to play our usual hangman game but she did say she loved me as she left the car this morning.

I know I don't say it often enough but a death always makes me want to remind those I care about:  I love you.  I'm glad that we met and that you are a part of my life.  Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers. 

My Grandma

I had one of the roughest mornings I can remember today. Somewhere between waking MAC up and getting up myself I fell back asleep. I even remember calling to MAC and saying "Don't turn on that TV you have reading to do!" and her answering me with, "Right." I know I did this! The next thing I remember is Marty Bass saying that today's "coffee with" was an interview with Bruce Bridegroom and knowing that meant that it was 6:45am and YES that meant that I had to get out of bed NOW!

MAC was up and had gotten her shower and was downstairs reading, or so I thought. When I got downstairs the TV was on and she was watching Family Matters and drawing. No she had not eaten any breakfast, no she had not started her 20 minutes of reading, no she had not taken her morning pills, no she hadn't gotten her lunch together (or even put her lunchbox where I could find it to put things in!) I was not happy.

When we finally left the house and I looked at the clock it was 7:18am. The bus has been arriving at 7:20. I sped all the way to Aberdeen and Riedel where the stupid stop light caught me. I watched the school bus as it passed us on its way to CES. Of course these are the days when you get stuck behind the slowest person on the road too! We got to the bus stop as the bus was pulling in to pick up. MAC was in a hurry and jumped out of the car and ran accross the street to CES so she could catch the bus before it pulled away.

The rough morning turned into a rough afternoon and evening. When I got in to work I got a phone call from my Mom. She wanted to tell me that my Grandma was not doing well and although she and Dad had planned to come up and visit for the weekend, they thought they were going to change plans and go visit Grandma in Tulsa.

About 2 hours later she called again to say that they were going to Tulsa and she would call later with news.

In the meantime I went and picked MAC up from school for her appointment with the "Prescribing doctor". It started well, she even like the snack that I had for her. Half way through the appointment she got mad and stopped talking to both the Dr. and me. I couldn't get her to talk again until we got home when she asked if she could just go upstairs and sleep.

While I was out this evening I got a phone call from my Dad. He said that he had just gotten a phone call from my Aunt and that Grandma had passed away. I have never seen a montage but I suddenly saw the last time we were together: looking through the photo album, going to church with her, having lunch with her at my Aunt's house, and giving hugs and kisses.

My Grandma was a teacher for years and I still remember her retirement party. There were so many people who were there to wish her well in the next phase of her life. I know seeing all her students helped me to decide to get my teaching degree.

I remember going to the library where she was volunteering. I love books and I thought it was great that she got to work with books everyday.

I remember the last time she came out to Maryland. It was sad and happy at the same time, Christmas is always a happy time for me but knowing that it was her last trip out was sad.

When I told MAC that Great Nana was not doing so well this afternoon, she asked if we were going to go visit. I had to say no. We talked about the last time we saw Great Nana and how wonderful it was to remember the hugs and having lunch. We talked about it being ok to be sad and that she could talk to her "talk therapist" tomorrow or me if she wanted. I hope that I can convey the fact that Grandma is in a better place tomorrow when I tell her that she has passed away.



This was us just a little over a year ago for Grandma's 90th Birthday.