Opposites

Do you remember when you were younger and would play "opposite day" when everything you said you meant the exact opposite?  It seems to me that MAC has somehow gotten it into her head that everything is "opposite".  It feels as if no matter how much time and love is lavished upon her by one set of grand=parents she just doesn't want to spend any time with them.  One set makes it a point to call her, take her to the movies, remembers speciall days, etc and she couldn't care less.  The other set will call every quarter and we'll see only if we make a special trip to go visit.  MAC thinks the sun rises and sets around these grand-parents.

The same thing happens at home.  I get to take her to the doctor appointments, go to the school, take her to school, go on all field trips to be her "special chaperon", and help her with homework and yet she wants me "out of her life".  She told the therapist that she sometimes thinks about how nice life would be if I wasn't around and it was just her and Hubby. 

It seems to me that the more attention you pay her the less she wants you around.  I can only hope that she will one day see how much those of us that she doesn't want in her life, care about her.

Why...

As of this posting my father-in-law's memorial service has been over for about four hours.  It was an amazing service with the entire family.  It was great to see my brother-in-law, cousin's, nieces, nephews and the rest of the family that we haven't seen in 3 Christmas'.

MAC seemed to have done really well until we walked in to the funeral home.  When she saw the urn with the remains she  broke down.  She also realized that "Pop-pop" had not just died from "old age", as the last several deaths had been, but had a disease called Alzheimer's and that he had passed away at a relatively young age.

MAC started questioning:  Why would God give us these horrible diseases?  Why did people have to die young?  Why did God hate our family so much that he would give us depression, Aspergers, and Alzheimer's?  She cried and cried and of course we didn't have any answers except that God does love us, and God never gives us more than we can handle.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing your child sob, "Why does God hate us?"  In the end she was able to pull herself together and sit through the service.  She is looking forward to her memory glass pendant which she should receive in a few weeks.

So Proud

Hubby’s father is dying.  I know, I know we’re all dying but his death is imminent.  There was a call on Monday from the home where he currently is called to say that they thought he had about 24-48 hours left.  Hubby and I left work and went to sit with him, meet with the hospice nurse and doctor, and to support his sister and Step-mother.

MAC was disappointed that we would not take her, but the feeling was that he had deteriorated to the point that we thought he might really make her uncomfortable.  Hubby took the day off Tuesday and spent the day at the home.  When he came home MAC said again that she really wanted to go visit her Pop-pop.  We decided after much explanation of what the home is like, that the residents really had no boundaries, and that Pop-pop was a lot different than the last time she saw him to take her for a little while.

When we got there it was after 7 and things seemed to have settled down.  She talked quietly and behaved well.  She even gave a hug to her Memaw and Aunt.  I have to say that I had my misgivings about taking her, but she made us proud and I am glad that she had a chance to say good bye.

Unique

On Thursday we changed Psychiatrists and while I know that everyone is different it really surprised me at how different his approach was.  MAC and I had made a deal and she was supposed to do her own talking.  Everyone we had been seeing had asked her questions and she would give them her sullen look and refuse to talk.  The new doctor was gregarious and seemed to put her at ease right away.  Also, while the other offices always seemed dark his office had two sides with windows and yesterday was a nice sunny day.

We discussed the medications she was on and why and he has taken her off some, upped the dose on one and has gone back to trying an ADD medication to try to help her with organization and impulsivity.  When we left his office both MAC and I were happy (which is a first).

I guess psychiatrists are like snowflakes too…just like children.

Yes, I see signs of Life

I know that it has been almost a month since I have blogged and I’m sorry.  It has been a very stressful and tiring time in Maryland.  MAC has fully entered the angry teen-age years and is at the point where NOTHING I say is right.  (If I told her the sky was blue and the grass was green she would tell me NO the sky is azure and the grass is emerald.)  There have been a few more incidents at school and even an in school suspension from Algebra class.

Yesterday I had an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting with the new school.  It is totally amazing to me how different things can be even within the same county.  When I had the meeting at the old school the administrator was the vice principal, at the new school they have a dedicated IEP person.  At the old school the guidance counselor and the school psychologist was in the meeting, at the new school it was just the school psychologist.  There was also a teacher representative and the special education coordinator at both meetings.

I am beginning to feel hopeful again, this time the group felt that her education was being impacted and that she should be on an IEP.  The new school has classes that are geared to keep everyone in the general population but is smaller and has an extra aid in the class.  If it is determined that she is in need of these (which I think would be helpful) she will be given these accommodations.  And if nothing else she will be on this list for high school.

I am hoping to begin to blog regularly again so please check back again soon.

How Mad Can She Get?

What a great Valentines Day morning!  MAC has alto sectionals this morning, so we got up an hour early and then I gave her the small gift that I had gotten her (an M&M filled fan).  She seemed to like it and I hate to say the snack bag is now empty.

The decision to try to help her focus at school was to take the drawing journal and the manga away from her.  She was ok with it yesterday, but today it made me a "horrible Mom".  I don't understand why she doesn' t realize that if she did what she was supposed to do she would get everything back!

When I dropped her off at the school she refused to say anything to me.  It will be interesting to see how this afternoon goes.  I do wonder how angry she can get at me...oh, the joys of motherhood!

How do I help?

It has been a disappointing few days.  On Tuesday I received a call from the school, MAC was having an issue.  They had been pleased that she had used her emergency pass to get out of class but when it was time to go back to class she started to be unpleasant.  After an hour of this behavior the school called to say that they felt she should go home.

We had a short conference with the Vice-Principal, guidance counselor and the school psychologist.    None of us could get her to tell us what the problem was.  While at the school she was uncommunicative and hostile, by the time we got home she was contrite and very self-depreciating.  I just don’t understand how her mind works.

I got an e-mail from her math teacher Wednesday.  She says that MAC doesn’t even try, when she was cleaning the classroom up she found all of MACs notes still on her desk and was asking for any helpful tips I might have.  After all these years and all the books I’ve read I just don’t have any tricks/tips that we’ve tried that really work for any length of time.  How do you help someone who feels they don’t need help?