I love a song from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown called "Happiness". It is a song where each of the characters tell what they consider happiness: learning to whistle, playing the drum, walking hand and hand, climbing a tree, 2 different ice creams, and being alone every now and then.
I have to say that I found my happiness today in just watching a half hour of anime. For the first time in over a year the three of us sat in bed and watched a half hour of anime that they picked up at Otakon, "Hayate: The Combat Buttler". We just sat with our feet up and laughed at all the antics on the screen.
She wouldn't hold my hand or even let my foot touch hers but with her Dad on one side and me on the other we had some nice calm family time laughing, and enjoying something together. It didn't last very long but it made me happy.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Friends
I had a wonderful conversation with someone who has now known me over three quarters of my life today. MES is my Canuck friend who doesn't hold it against me that I can't sing past "Oh Canada, my home and native land". Of course I don't hold it against her that she is currently sitting in 79 degree weather with no humidity (yesterday was 95 degrees with a "feels like" of 105 in Edgewater).
We have known each other since we were in the same 5th grade class together. We were in a French immersion program where the Canadian students were "forced" to go and the British and American students were jumping over each other to get in. Just one of the wonders of being in an International School was that we had at least 5 different countries represented and there was a principal, and vice principal, as well as an office for each of the different groups. When the teacher told you to go to the principal's office you had to ask, Canadian, American, or British.
It was the first time that I was introduced to a la carte lunches. Here in the states you stand in line, tell the lunch lady what main course you want, what veggie you want, what fruit, and then choose a milk (skim, whole, or chocolate) for one price from your first day in kindergarten through middle school. I will never forget going to the lunch room with my money and after standing in line half the lunch period, asking for chicken strips and being given just that. I was able to get a soda (which if my mother had known I doubt that I would have been buying lunch for very long) as a drink and having a few coins left over!
Every morning we would stand, and those of us that were American would say the pledge of allegiance. I had a French Canadian teacher for 5th and another Canadian for 6th grade. It was amazing that so many people used the school building. We used the building for concerts, Girl Scout meetings, math club, year book and we used to walk half a mile to take swimming lessons once a week. One Monday we came in to find the chairs had all been moved since Friday and were told that the German students had to come to school on Saturdays. We felt bad for them until we found out they got to leave school at mid-day the rest of the week.
MES and I started corresponding by mail when I left AFCENT in the summer of 1988. There have been some very long stretches when we have not been in contact but up until last year she would always get a Christmas Card from me. (Yes, last November/December was a bit crazy and I did not get any cards out at all.) We have been e-mailing for almost 7 years now, so we can at least get little family updates every once in a while. Even though we have been far apart we have grown up together.
I want a friend like this for MAC. She has found it very difficult to make and keep friends, so even though we have been in the same state and county since the day she was born she has not been able to make a friend who stays for the long haul. I'm not saying that it is easy to be her friend, she can be very jealous, doesn't always think before speaking, and can sometimes physically hurt you without meaning to. On the other hand if someone will look below the surface she is a very caring person who has a heart as big as Montana, and when she decides to bestow it, a smile that just melts your anger away.
I hope that in the months to come, as school starts again, she will continue the search for her elusive “best friend”. I have been very lucky in finding SG and MES, I hope she will one day be able to say that she just got finished skypeing with her best friend who has know her over half of her life.
We have known each other since we were in the same 5th grade class together. We were in a French immersion program where the Canadian students were "forced" to go and the British and American students were jumping over each other to get in. Just one of the wonders of being in an International School was that we had at least 5 different countries represented and there was a principal, and vice principal, as well as an office for each of the different groups. When the teacher told you to go to the principal's office you had to ask, Canadian, American, or British.
It was the first time that I was introduced to a la carte lunches. Here in the states you stand in line, tell the lunch lady what main course you want, what veggie you want, what fruit, and then choose a milk (skim, whole, or chocolate) for one price from your first day in kindergarten through middle school. I will never forget going to the lunch room with my money and after standing in line half the lunch period, asking for chicken strips and being given just that. I was able to get a soda (which if my mother had known I doubt that I would have been buying lunch for very long) as a drink and having a few coins left over!
Every morning we would stand, and those of us that were American would say the pledge of allegiance. I had a French Canadian teacher for 5th and another Canadian for 6th grade. It was amazing that so many people used the school building. We used the building for concerts, Girl Scout meetings, math club, year book and we used to walk half a mile to take swimming lessons once a week. One Monday we came in to find the chairs had all been moved since Friday and were told that the German students had to come to school on Saturdays. We felt bad for them until we found out they got to leave school at mid-day the rest of the week.
MES and I started corresponding by mail when I left AFCENT in the summer of 1988. There have been some very long stretches when we have not been in contact but up until last year she would always get a Christmas Card from me. (Yes, last November/December was a bit crazy and I did not get any cards out at all.) We have been e-mailing for almost 7 years now, so we can at least get little family updates every once in a while. Even though we have been far apart we have grown up together.
I want a friend like this for MAC. She has found it very difficult to make and keep friends, so even though we have been in the same state and county since the day she was born she has not been able to make a friend who stays for the long haul. I'm not saying that it is easy to be her friend, she can be very jealous, doesn't always think before speaking, and can sometimes physically hurt you without meaning to. On the other hand if someone will look below the surface she is a very caring person who has a heart as big as Montana, and when she decides to bestow it, a smile that just melts your anger away.
I hope that in the months to come, as school starts again, she will continue the search for her elusive “best friend”. I have been very lucky in finding SG and MES, I hope she will one day be able to say that she just got finished skypeing with her best friend who has know her over half of her life.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
School Daze
Three more weeks until school starts. I have to repeat: three more weeks until school starts! I was asked today if she was ready to go back. It was hard to answer, I can't say that she is ready since she has been able to listen to music, watch TV and go out skateboarding whenever she wanted over the past seven weeks, but I am.
Two Mondays ago we went to Target to get her supplies and found 4 decimated aisles. I couldn't find one box of colored pencils on sale. I found a lady bug lunch box, for myself. She already has a lunch box, a back up lunch box, and has a rolling back pack so what we needed were binders, dividers, pencils, and paper.
On the following Saturday I asked her to go to Staples with me to get her supplies. She said no so I went by myself. Four 3" binders, two 1" binders, three sets of college ruled paper, two sets of dividers, two boxes of mechanical pencils, a box of blue pens, a box of red pens, two spiral notebooks, a pack of erasers, and a little over $150.00 later I walked out excited, ready for school to start.
I know that there are many things I have conveniently "forgot". The school supplies are a good start yes, but there is the whole bus riding thing, the getting up in time to get dressed, going to bed in time so she can get a full 9 hours of sleep, the homework issues, the calls from the school and staying after school for groups.
I am excited that school is starting and praying for a good year. I look forward to the concerts she will be in, and can't wait for the PVA field trips. I know 7th grade is her year!
Two Mondays ago we went to Target to get her supplies and found 4 decimated aisles. I couldn't find one box of colored pencils on sale. I found a lady bug lunch box, for myself. She already has a lunch box, a back up lunch box, and has a rolling back pack so what we needed were binders, dividers, pencils, and paper.
On the following Saturday I asked her to go to Staples with me to get her supplies. She said no so I went by myself. Four 3" binders, two 1" binders, three sets of college ruled paper, two sets of dividers, two boxes of mechanical pencils, a box of blue pens, a box of red pens, two spiral notebooks, a pack of erasers, and a little over $150.00 later I walked out excited, ready for school to start.
I know that there are many things I have conveniently "forgot". The school supplies are a good start yes, but there is the whole bus riding thing, the getting up in time to get dressed, going to bed in time so she can get a full 9 hours of sleep, the homework issues, the calls from the school and staying after school for groups.
I am excited that school is starting and praying for a good year. I look forward to the concerts she will be in, and can't wait for the PVA field trips. I know 7th grade is her year!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Forward progress
I have a 25 minute drive home from work and I usually try to get a little phone time in while I sit at stop lights. Today I called my parents to say hi. My mother reminded me that she would be in town on Sunday and that we were going to have a girl’s night of pizza and talking. She suggested that maybe MAC would enjoy coming, since it was at her house if MAC decided she didn't want to talk she could just go into a bedroom and listen to her music or play her DSi. I wasn't sure, but said that I would ask. Mom also said that she and my sister were making plans to go to the Baltimore Aquarium on Monday with my niece and that she would take MAC if she was interested in going. Once again I said that I would talk to MAC.
When I walked in I told her that I had just talked to her Grandmother and that she was wondering if MAC wanted to do Girls Night or the Aquarium. I was surprised when she looked me dead in the eye and very excitedly said, "yes, both". I decided to push my luck a little and I asked her to call her Grandmother and tell her that she would like to do both. (Recently when I've asked her to call her Grandparents she has said, "Not right now" and put it off.) She called, made a little small talk, said yes and got off the phone in under two minutes. But it was progress!
Not so long ago I remember saying that I had a meeting and MAC would roll her eyes and say "Not again!" This evening I ran late getting home from work, I cooked a dinner that she didn't really like, and to top it all off I had a meeting where I had to leave right after dinner. When I told her she looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said "ok, can I have a pizza instead?"
I made her eat one slice of fried green tomato before I cooked the tortinos pizza but we both got what we wanted: a veggie being eaten and a much better tasting dinner than originally planned. Forward progress!
Every once in a while I have to sit back and look at where we started from to see the forward progress. Last Christmas she wouldn't even talk on the phone with her great-grandmother. Today she called her Grandmother and held a conversation. Three months ago she would have spit the tomato out when she didn't like the taste and refused to eat anything else. Today she chewed and swallowed it and then asked for something she liked. They are small steps, but they are steps in the right direction.
When I walked in I told her that I had just talked to her Grandmother and that she was wondering if MAC wanted to do Girls Night or the Aquarium. I was surprised when she looked me dead in the eye and very excitedly said, "yes, both". I decided to push my luck a little and I asked her to call her Grandmother and tell her that she would like to do both. (Recently when I've asked her to call her Grandparents she has said, "Not right now" and put it off.) She called, made a little small talk, said yes and got off the phone in under two minutes. But it was progress!
Not so long ago I remember saying that I had a meeting and MAC would roll her eyes and say "Not again!" This evening I ran late getting home from work, I cooked a dinner that she didn't really like, and to top it all off I had a meeting where I had to leave right after dinner. When I told her she looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said "ok, can I have a pizza instead?"
I made her eat one slice of fried green tomato before I cooked the tortinos pizza but we both got what we wanted: a veggie being eaten and a much better tasting dinner than originally planned. Forward progress!
Every once in a while I have to sit back and look at where we started from to see the forward progress. Last Christmas she wouldn't even talk on the phone with her great-grandmother. Today she called her Grandmother and held a conversation. Three months ago she would have spit the tomato out when she didn't like the taste and refused to eat anything else. Today she chewed and swallowed it and then asked for something she liked. They are small steps, but they are steps in the right direction.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Good Friends, good food and peace of mind
I have this friend, she and I have known each other since high school. We lost touch during the collage years but met up again while working for Tupperware almost 10 years ago. She has a son who is 13 so when we met up again it was really fun to have two children so close in age. We used to walk the mall on Saturday mornings with the kids in strollers and have even taken some vacations together.
One of the best things about knowing someone this long is that they know your child's quirks. MAC was 2 when she first met SG. She has been with me through the elementary school maze, has been with me as my husband and I decided to try medications, and has listened to my Doctor and insurance stories. She knows my daughter well enough to know that she won't use a napkin or put one on her lap but that we need to have a lot handy for the clean up after the meal.
I hadn't really thought about how freeing it was to go somewhere where they know your child well enough to discipline them as if they were you, until tonight. During the school year we have a standing dinner "date" every two weeks. We used to get together every week until both our schedules got crazy.
Over the years she has had another child, divorced and remarried. She had some of the same issues that I have been working with, so since her son is older, she began her work with the schools earlier than I did and was able to give me hope for what could be accomplished.
Tonight we had our first dinner with them in almost a month. It was great to see my daughter so excited to be going somewhere. Her youngest was excited to see us and her older son played Wii with MAC. I was happy to be able to talk grown up talk with another adult (that wasn't about depression or medication) and it felt good to know that the kids were playing nicely with each other.
About 10 minutes before we left SG and I were in her living room talking when we heard a loud bump from upstairs. We both looked at each other and said, "I don't hear any crying." We both called the older kids down and questioned them about what the noise was. It turned out it was MAC falling after walking backwards in a room. Why? Who knows.
I realized that it was really nice to know some place where I could have a nice dinner with a friend, where I don't have to worry that my child is going to go nuts, and where I know that she is in a safe environment. I have peace of mind that SG is accepting of us, even when there is more buffalo sauce on MAC's face than in her stomach!
One of the best things about knowing someone this long is that they know your child's quirks. MAC was 2 when she first met SG. She has been with me through the elementary school maze, has been with me as my husband and I decided to try medications, and has listened to my Doctor and insurance stories. She knows my daughter well enough to know that she won't use a napkin or put one on her lap but that we need to have a lot handy for the clean up after the meal.
I hadn't really thought about how freeing it was to go somewhere where they know your child well enough to discipline them as if they were you, until tonight. During the school year we have a standing dinner "date" every two weeks. We used to get together every week until both our schedules got crazy.
Over the years she has had another child, divorced and remarried. She had some of the same issues that I have been working with, so since her son is older, she began her work with the schools earlier than I did and was able to give me hope for what could be accomplished.
Tonight we had our first dinner with them in almost a month. It was great to see my daughter so excited to be going somewhere. Her youngest was excited to see us and her older son played Wii with MAC. I was happy to be able to talk grown up talk with another adult (that wasn't about depression or medication) and it felt good to know that the kids were playing nicely with each other.
About 10 minutes before we left SG and I were in her living room talking when we heard a loud bump from upstairs. We both looked at each other and said, "I don't hear any crying." We both called the older kids down and questioned them about what the noise was. It turned out it was MAC falling after walking backwards in a room. Why? Who knows.
I realized that it was really nice to know some place where I could have a nice dinner with a friend, where I don't have to worry that my child is going to go nuts, and where I know that she is in a safe environment. I have peace of mind that SG is accepting of us, even when there is more buffalo sauce on MAC's face than in her stomach!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Kiki...green kiki
When I left the house this morning I thought, "what a beautiful day." That was before I called my husband. He has been fighting his depression for longer than I have known him. Apparently the depression was on the winning side today. I have to give him props for continuing to go to work, and he has been able to hold his current job for more than 8 years now. He sounded despondent on the phone when I called to update him on our morning, but I figured he'd head home play some World of Warcraft and then go to bed.
When I called to remind MAC that she had a Dr.'s appointment he said that he had cried most of the morning. He said that MAC had tried to make him feel better and when he continued to cry she went and got green kiki and covered him. It almost made my heart melt.
Green kiki is her most favorite, prized possession, in the whole world! She has had it since about two days after she was born. After the first time we left the original at day care we went and made sure we had at least two more. When her cousin was born she gave him one of her green kiki's and her Grandmother almost fainted. One is in her baby box and she still carries the other with her. It has gone Girl Scout camping, family camping, to Tulsa (OK) and to Smith Mountain Lake (VA).
I thought it was wonderful that she was hoping green kiki would make her father feel better. I am happy that she is learning compassion and that she seems to be able to understand that her father is feeling sad, since those are both things that asperger children have trouble with. I hope that she can also learn from him, learn that medication is not bad and that it can help. I hope that she learns that those we care about feel sad sometimes and that those of us who are around them can't always make it better, but we'll always love them.
When I called to remind MAC that she had a Dr.'s appointment he said that he had cried most of the morning. He said that MAC had tried to make him feel better and when he continued to cry she went and got green kiki and covered him. It almost made my heart melt.
Green kiki is her most favorite, prized possession, in the whole world! She has had it since about two days after she was born. After the first time we left the original at day care we went and made sure we had at least two more. When her cousin was born she gave him one of her green kiki's and her Grandmother almost fainted. One is in her baby box and she still carries the other with her. It has gone Girl Scout camping, family camping, to Tulsa (OK) and to Smith Mountain Lake (VA).
I thought it was wonderful that she was hoping green kiki would make her father feel better. I am happy that she is learning compassion and that she seems to be able to understand that her father is feeling sad, since those are both things that asperger children have trouble with. I hope that she can also learn from him, learn that medication is not bad and that it can help. I hope that she learns that those we care about feel sad sometimes and that those of us who are around them can't always make it better, but we'll always love them.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Find your inner anime...
It was the last day of Otakon. I was planning on going to church and for MAC and her father to head up. I was pleasantly surprised when she told her father that she wanted me to take her pass and go check out the convention.
I have to say I wasn't hugely excited to be going when we left but by the time we got on the train and I saw some of the others in costumes I began to get more excited. When we got to the Baltimore Convention Center we went in and got a schedule. There were places where we could see different shows and there were panels where you could ask questions. We went and saw Combat Butler. I couldn't believe how much I laughed during the showing!
I was amazed at how much anime I had seen without knowing it. During the panel we went to see they showed parts of: Avatar: The Last Air Bender, Speed Racer, and talked about the book of the Five rings. There were Sanrio items and I have never wished so much that I wore hats because they were REALLY cute.
The last place we went today was to the Dealer hall. I couldn't believe how much stuff there is!! MAC and her father had tried to tell me, but there is nothing like seeing it for yourself!
I didn't spend a lot of time there, just about 3 hours, but I was thrilled that she thought about sharing and that I was the recipient of her good will today.
I have to say I wasn't hugely excited to be going when we left but by the time we got on the train and I saw some of the others in costumes I began to get more excited. When we got to the Baltimore Convention Center we went in and got a schedule. There were places where we could see different shows and there were panels where you could ask questions. We went and saw Combat Butler. I couldn't believe how much I laughed during the showing!
I was amazed at how much anime I had seen without knowing it. During the panel we went to see they showed parts of: Avatar: The Last Air Bender, Speed Racer, and talked about the book of the Five rings. There were Sanrio items and I have never wished so much that I wore hats because they were REALLY cute.
The last place we went today was to the Dealer hall. I couldn't believe how much stuff there is!! MAC and her father had tried to tell me, but there is nothing like seeing it for yourself!
I didn't spend a lot of time there, just about 3 hours, but I was thrilled that she thought about sharing and that I was the recipient of her good will today.
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